


Bucky Barnes Daily

by musicanova



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Build, podcast au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 37,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7298398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicanova/pseuds/musicanova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers is a simple man with a simple life, who lives next door to a charming young James Buchanan. Steve Rogers is a simple man with a simple life, who makes a living off illustrating children's books. Steve Rogers is also a simple man with a simple life who loves to tune in to the Bucky Barnes Daily podcast every morning at 6:45am. </p><p>Finally, Steve Rogers is a simple man with a simple life who does not deserve to be deceived by one James <i>"Bucky"</i> Buchanan <i>Barnes</i>.</p><p>(OR, Bucky is Steve's new neighbour James, and also the presenter that he's been drooling over ever since the podcast started.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ep. 1: Bucky Barnes Moves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James Buchanan is the new boy in town. Well, not really, he was only moving like what, 15 or so blocks down from his old place? 
> 
> Anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm back! Figures I'd spring straight back up with a dose of Stucky after finishing the WCP. This is a new idea that I had (at least I think it's a new... if you think I'm copying someone please let me know and I'll stop) that I have been very excited to play out! 
> 
> Thank you to Jeremy and Rianna for your enthusiasm and support!  
> Please do enjoy.

Bucky sighed, closing the last cardboard box with an old roll of masking tape he'd stolen from his friend's place the last time he'd visited. Wiping his brow, he looked up to the empty space surrounding him, remembering that just a month ago, it had been entirely cluttered with trinkets from all over the place. 

He wouldn't miss this apartment, that much he was sure of. From the cockroaches, to the persistent mosquitos in the  _middle of winter_ (for God's sake get your head in the game, mosquito, this isn't your season), the always-broken lift that caused little old ladies far too much trouble, the cobwebs that lined the railings of the stairs, and oh, to wake up every morning to that sweet aroma of mould. 

Bucky had taken great care in choosing his next apartment; had even gotten Becca's stamp of approval before finalising his purchase. Windows that actually opened, and consequently a great view, working heaters, beautiful mahogany staircases  _and_ an elevator for those who required it. It was even just those few minutes closer to his work, and that meant three seconds more of sleep.

God, Bucky couldn't wait.

~*~

"... Well, this is a farewell from yours truly, but don't you worry, I'll be back in no time. This has been Bucky Barnes from Bucky Barnes Daily, and I'll..."

Bucky sighed, replaying the particular section of the audio over and over again. Something wasn't right - was it the acoustics in the room now that everything was in cardboard boxes? Or was there something wrong with him? 

"...hope you look forward to hearing all about my move from the slums to the not-so-slums!" 

This would have to do for now. Clint and Natasha had promised him a farewell party, and if he didn't get this damned podcast finished now, he wouldn't be able to have it posted until he was moved in. 

The party was unnecessary, all things considered, but Bucky wasn't one to complain when faced with the chance for a free meal. With a huff, he uploaded the latest episode to his podcast, and snapped his laptop shut, just in time for his phone to buzz.   

> **_Snint Snarton:_ ** _Oi douchebag, let us up_

He hoped that they were going for noodles. He could do with a nice hot bowl of ramen. Or some phở. Oh yeah, that sounded good.  

> _**Snint Snarton:** O_
> 
> _**Snint Snarton:** I _
> 
> _**Snint Snarton:** D _
> 
> _**Snint Snarton:** O _
> 
> _**Snint Snarton:** U _
> 
> _**Snint Snarton:** C _
> 
> _**Snint Snarton:** H _
> 
> _**Snint Snarton:** E _
> 
> _**Snint Snarton:** B _
> 
> _**Snint Snarton:** A _
> 
> _**Snint Snarton:** G _

Bucky told himself every day that he needed some new friends. Maybe it was about time he dropped these two losers in search for some better ones at his new home.

* * *

Paying for a good moving company really had its benefits, Bucky thought, watching the burly men carry his furniture up to his apartment for him. He had to admit he'd been a little reluctant to begin with, but boy, would it have helped to have these people with him back when he'd moved into his last place. Then maybe he wouldn't have had to endure Natasha's teasing while he nursed his left shoulder back to health. 

(That sofa was not a one-man job.)

He looked to the buzzer at the entrance to the apartment and smiled. Apartment 4B's plaque was neatly printed "James Buchanan" in Bucky's neatest handwriting, without all the usual loops and curls. 

It was a dare Clint had set up, to not display his surname. He doubted anybody would notice, but if the odd guest knocked on one of his neighbour's doors and exclaimed: "You live with the 15th President of the United States?" well, then he would take it as a win. 

Bucky paid the movers for their hard work, and settled into his apartment for the afternoon. If he got to unpacking right away, then maybe he would be able to update his podcast in just a few days. 

~*~

Steve made his way to his apartment after a meeting with the author of the latest children's book he would be illustrating. The woman seemed lovely, although perhaps... in the wrong business? The story was wonderful, truly, and he was looking forward to illustrating it but Maria Hill seemed different, if that was the word to use. Unlike most authors Steve had worked with, she dressed in a crisp suit, and he could have sworn he saw the silhouette of a gun for one moment when Maria had stood up to greet him.

He shook the thought out of his head when his eye caught on the name next to apartment 4B. 

 _James Buchanan?_ Steve thought, then shrugged. There were better presidents to be named after, but he could take parents trying to be funny. At least he would finally have a neighbour again, after Sharon had moved away six months ago when she'd gotten promoted at work. 

He shot off a simple text to Sam ( _new neighbour in town_ ) and attached a photo of the buzzers. 

He then walked up to his own apartment, 4A, and set to baking a housewarming gift, because Steve was a good neighbour like that. 

With his mother's recipe piping hot in his hand, Steve knocked on his new neighbour's door with every intention of making a good impression, although the plan severely backfired in a matter of seconds. The guy was... ok, so Steve would just outright admit it. He was hot, alright? So instead of the introduction that he had planned on giving (and had spent 5 minutes mulling over in his mind) Steve opened his mouth and...

"Mr. President," he nodded. 

A grin took over the man's face, and he burst out laughing. "Well howdily doodily, neighbourino," he held out a hand. 

"I-I-I'm so sorry," Steve rubbed his face before holding out his free hand for a shake. "If you can tell, my brain kind of short-circuited for a second. I'm Steve."

"James," the man replied. "S'alright, you know. It's the best welcome I've had from anyone in a long while. Maybe I'll run for president." 

"I uh... come bearing gifts," he held out the apple pie without further ado, ready to high tail his way out of embarrassing himself any further, but trust his luck that James would ruin that plan as well.

"That's sweet of you, Stevie," he grinned, and opened the door further. "Come on in and have a slice with me. I just finished unpacking the kitchenware."

Steve was sure James hadn't missed the way a blush had quickly bloomed on his cheeks and travelled down his neck (it was definitely not a reaction to being called Stevie), but the man just turned around and opened every draw before finding two forks, a knife, and some plates, clearly not yet familiar with the layout of his new home, currently furnished with piles of cardboard boxes and not much else. 

"So Steve McSteverson, tell me about yourself," James set down a plate before him, taking a seat.

Neither of them expected to end up chatting their way through half the night before Steve turned in for bed. Not, of course, that that was a bad thing.

Oh, not at all.


	2. Ep. 2: Bucky Barnes Becomes Prematurely Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 days later, and Bucky's already got the hots for his neighbour. Well, shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had an amazing response for this fic so far, so I really don't want to let any of you down! With that, if you've got any suggestions for what should happen or what not, hit me up at [wintersolqiers](http://wintersolqiers.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> I hope this lives up to your expectations, I can't thank you enough for every view, kudos, comment and bookmark.

_"Hello, hello! You're currently listening to Bucky Barnes Daily. If you've noticed something different, which you probably haven't yet, I've decided to make this podcast live! I'm finally starting to get settled in at my new place, even though I have a lot more to go but let me just say... this place is the top sh- stuff! Uh, maybe making this live was a bad idea. I feel like I need the time to edit bad things out. But it does let me sleep in 'til later, so let's keep it as is for now, shall we?_

_Now that we're live, I was thinking we could start doing call-ins sometimes, you know? I always feel like I'm just rambling to myself, so I'd love to get to know all of you. Tell me what you think on twitter! I'm @buckybdaily."_

Bucky cut to the intermission music that he'd spent five minutes on GarageBand putting together, and put his microphone on mute to quickly go and grab himself a glass of water. 

 _"It's a lovely hump day today, so congratulations everyone you made it half way through the week! That's the 29th of June, for you guys who are feeling a little out of it._ _We've got a rather cool top of 70 degrees for the middle of summer today, so there's no need to get out your scarves, us Brooklynites are stronger than that, but you can't go wrong with a nice cardigan today. Especially considering we might get down to a whopping 54 degrees later tonight! You better rug up a little kids, don't want any of you getting sick."_

Steve, currently out on his morning run, huffed a laugh in between his panting, and readjusted his ear buds. Was it lonely to feel like he felt like he was chatting with friends when he was listening to podcasts? Yeah, that was definitely weird. Better not tell Sam about it. 

_"Looking out the window, the sun's out, but there are a coupl'a dark clouds, so an umbrella could go a long way for ya. I'll say it again, you don't need to be catching colds in summer. Save that for the winter times! It's pretty picturesque right now from where I am, so how 'bout you all take a peek out of your windows and enjoy the view this morning? I mean golden sun, blue skies, fluffy - albeit grey - clouds, look down to the streets to find... wow."_

Bucky gave a low whistle, and chuckled into his microphone.

 _"The devil wears Prada? More like the devil wears nada,_ Jesus _put some clothes on those abs before I faint. Better back away before I topple out the window. Well, to continue on, today's line up includes apartments that allow pets..."_

Steve tuned out, if only briefly, at the mention of abs. Of all the podcasts Steve listened to, this one was by far his favourite, and now that it was live? It was even better. Bucky Barnes was known to be a bit of an SJW (he meant it in the good way - why oh why did society have to make it a pejorative), and his opinions basically lined up with Steve's. The man hadn't touched on sexuality so much, maybe in passing once or twice, but talking about abs gave Steve the slightest twinge of hope that he could have a chance with Bucky in his dreams. 

Once again, this was information to not (repeat: _not_ ) tell Sam. 

~*~

Closing off his podcast for the morning, Bucky set back to unpacking the remainder of his things. He'd set a good pace; much better than the last time he'd moved, where he had everything stored in cardboard boxes until 5 months later when Natasha finally snapped and did half the work for him. Now, just a mere three days after he had moved, Bucky already had everything in a dedicated place, decorations adorning the walls and the tops of the cabinets. 

In an effort to make his life henceforth neater, Bucky had cleared out some of the less useful trinkets (his nostalgic bone could piss off, because honestly his inability to let go of things was intercepting his liking for being neat), and had even employed some labels, lest he screw up in front of Steve again and have to open every drawer just because he couldn't remember where he'd put the plates. 

Speaking of Steve...

Well if the boy wasn't built like a brick shithouse with stunning blue eyes (just as nice as the sky today, Bucky might add), and uh... what was Bucky thinking about again? 

For just one moment, the man regretted moving apartments. Sure, he was glad to get out of that nuclear catastrophe of a building, but Bucky had hoped for new  _friends_ , not a Goddamn new  _crush_. Honestly, how did Christians have the will to believe in God when he could be so damned cruel in these ways? If God was real then surely he wouldn't make Bucky fall in love with Steve. Right? 

He shook his head. It wasn't right to mock peoples' religious beliefs just because he was in despair. 

Bucky set down a photograph of his family on his bedside table when he heard a knock on his door rap precisely three times. 

"I'll be there in just a moment!" he called, and shuffled over to the door to reveal his landlord.

_Oh shit on a disco stick I haven't done something wrong already, have I?_

"James! How lovely to see you," the woman waved cheerfully. "I'm so sorry I'm late, I meant to come welcome you to the complex earlier, but I got sidetracked chasing down another tennant..."

"Oh nonsense," Bucky replied with a quick sigh of relief. "That comes first, obviously. Were you able to catch the culprit?"

"Indeed. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve. I suppose I shouldn't tell you or you'll be able to defeat me, but it's just such a great story." 

Bucky opened the door to his landlord and allowed her to come in. 

"Ooh! This is honestly the nicest anyone has made the rooms in this complex look, maybe we should start an award! Every year, we'll give it to one of the tenants, and they can display it below their room number on the door. How does that sound? What shall we name it? The Moira MacTaggert Award for Excellency in Decorating?" 

"That's uh... that's wonderful, ma'am," Bucky coughed, slightly confused. Her landlord was so...  _sprightly_ it was beginning to become frightening.

"It's set then! Every year from now on at the end of the financial year, I'll announce the winner for the Moira MacTaggert Award for Excellency in Decorating. And really, don't call me ma'am. It makes me feel so old! I'm barely five years older than you," she laughed. 

Then she paused, pursing her lips. "A bit of a mouthful the award name, isn't it. I'll have to refine it later. Anyway! I came here to tell you a story," the brunette said, eyes lighting up as her hair swayed around her shoulders. "So this guy lives in 2C, absolute brute. No regard for decorating like you, first of all, and a tendency to punch holes in the walls out of anger. Fully ripped a faucet out once as well, although that one was forgiven because I can't imagine how it would have felt to receive a phone call telling you that your mother passed away. That was two years ago. He's always been slow with money, but I really underestimated what would happen if I didn't push for rent. We've had to cut off the gas, but the man hasn't even said a peep! It's like as if it doesn't even bother him. So anywho, he hasn't paid in a while and I'm getting a little antsy so I'm thinking of how to get this money off of him."

Bucky nodded seriously, trying to keep up with the fast pace of Moira's words. 

"And then it hit me. This guy's always bringing hookers to his place. Which, you know, that's great! Supporting the workers who need money. But I'm a worker who needs money as well! So I went to a payphone and rang his number and pretended to be this girl called Candy, totally sold it, and bam! I've been paid."

"That's quite the story, Miss MacTaggert. You are certainly a force to be reckoned with," he smiled, and he meant it, he really did. (Read: hot  _damn_ he better not cross his new landlord.)

Moments later Moira left for more landlord duties, and Bucky headed down for some groceries, noticing his fridge was looking a little too empty for his liking. 

~*~

The good thing about only moving a handful of blocks down from his old place was that he could still go to the same grocery store. He grabbed a shopping trolley from the bay and set to stocking up on some fruits and vegetables, before coming to stand before the meats. He picked up a pack of lamb cutlets and wrinkled his nose, noticing that they'd become more expensive yet again. He placed them back down and reached for the osso bucco, wondering if it was worth the effort of cooking such a meal, when a shrill voice reached his ears. 

"Hey arsehole!" Oh. Bucky knew that voice. "Yeah I'm talking to you, Barnes!" 

He turned around slowly in trepidation, and was immediately met with a face-full of Kitty. 

"Hi, Pryde," he let out in a breath. 

"Do you want to explain why there's some wannabe rock-and-roller living in your apartment?" the twenty-one-year-old spat. 

"BecauseImovedapartmentsI'msorryKittypleaseforgiveme."

"Whatever. You owe me a meal now."

And with that short exchange she sauntered off, swinging a net of mandarins around before she turned off into the cereal aisle. 

It was a close call; Bucky almost expected violence since you never knew with the girl, but he was relieved to find he had gotten off easy this time. Maybe for that, he'd get her a gift of some sort too. Tossing between buying her a nice bottle of brandy (the kid had weird taste) or a gift card for froyo, Bucky picked up a two pack of chicken breasts that were on sale, and wheeled along to the dairy. 

~*~

Bucky had had a long day. Two heart attacks no thanks to Moira and Kitty, his favourite brand of milk was sold out, and he only very narrowly missed being steamrolled by a motorbiker who appeared to be drunk midday. 

To make matters worse, Bucky was taking two steps at a time up the stairs when he saw Steve's door open, and some man pop out. 

"Yeah I'll see you tomorrow, Steve-o," the voice said before turning around and- was that  _Tony Stark_? Like,  _the_ Tony Stark of Stark Enterprises?

Steve seemed to notice Bucky on the stairs, and waved sheepishly, although absolutely oblivious to the mad thoughts running through Bucky's mind. (Read:  _Oh Lord, abort, abort! It's his boyfriend, get out of here right now!_ )

"James! This is my..." he paused with hesitance, and looked to Stark. "Frenemy?" 

"Aw, come on, Rogers! That's not nice!" Tony pouted. "I'd argue right now but I've got a meeting in five and Pepper would skin me alive if I was late."

He rushed down the stairs with a quick "Hey Steve's neighbour" and was gone in a flash, leaving Bucky to panic. Tony Stark was a known bisexual. He'd announced it to the press last year, and sure there were rumours that he and Pepper Potts were engaged, but honestly you couldn't trust anything on the internet unless it had come directly from said person's mouth, and even then it could be lies, so obviously every irrational bone in Bucky's bone jumped to: STEVE HAS A BOYFRIEND AND THAT BOYFRIEND IS ANTHONY EDWARD STARK. 

He mumbled a greeting to Steve before locking himself into his apartment, and slid down the door with his groceries following pursuit. He would throw his StarkPhone at the wall, but honestly he wasn't about to waste good money just because the brains behind the creation of his mobile phone was his neighbour's boyfriend. 

Bucky was now sure that God wasn't real. 

(Sorry, religious peeps, but no God would allow this kind of suffering. Thus, this conclusion was made.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't understand Fahrenheit. Just thought you should know. I've got New York's weather predictions in my sidebar thing as a slight reference, but I'm also making things up so... we'll see how this goes.


	3. Ep. 3: Bucky Barnes Becomes Increasingly Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, screw Tony Stark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was heading down hill from the start, I'm afraid, but I don't quite have the energy to fix it up! I thought I'd post it before I lost any more confidence, since I don't want to be flushing the entire thing down the drain only to regret it tomorrow. So here, have this, and I promise that the next one will be better!

_"I spy with my little... nose. Something that smells acutely like whiskey and regrets."_ He sniffed the air, and grimaced.  _"Oh, it's me."_

Steve frowned, slowing down his morning run to a jog. Bucky Barnes sounded decidedly unhappy today, and if Bucky wasn't in a good mood, then usually Steve wouldn't be either. Not to say that this podcast dictated his life, but Steve tuned in every morning to get ready for the day with this man: it didn't matter that he hadn't met him before, he wouldn't want him to be feeling down. 

_"It's the last day of June today guys, so get ready for the end of the financial year! Better get in quick for the last of the sales before time runs out. I know I just binge-bought five pairs of crazy socks. Google's telling me we're in for a possible patch of bad weather tonight, so if you know you're going to be out late, then pack an umbrella. I personally am currently making poor life decisions again, but don't let that deter you from being a responsible adult. But you can tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life!_

_Speaking of hating life, today's topic is the increasing rates of the world being gloomy and how we can prevent that as much as possible! Of course, we need bad things in our lives to really appreciate the good things, but I know a lot of us could deal without some of the pain we're carrying. So, now that I'm live, I thought that I'd take in a few callers, and we can chat about making our lives a brighter place to be..."_

Trudging up the stairs with his earbuds planted firmly in his ears, Steve couldn't help but notice how forced Bucky's voice was this morning. Little did he know that his adored podcaster was his neighbour, and that he was the cause for the crestfallen tone to his voice. He wished that somehow he could give the man a big bear hug and tell him everything would be all right, just as he passed the door to apartment 4B. 

_"...I'm sorry today's episode was short, but I'm still getting used to this whole live thing, so I thought I'd spend the day doing some research so that I can make this podcast the greatest it can be for all you guys who listen. Which reminds me, shoutout to my boss-man who let me take the week off work! You're the real MVP. I'll see you tomorrow, Bucky out."_

  

It was an hour later when Tony and Pepper were at Steve's doorstep again. He was thrilled to have the honour of illustrating Tony's first children-targeted science book, but honestly? He could have done much better with another three hours of sleep. Nonetheless, he opened the door to the two to finalise the plans they had made the day before for the books, setting the series release to the pace at which Steve could work.

The were about three quarters of the way through Tony's high demands when Pepper's phone rung for the umpteenth time, signalling her leave. Steve was grateful she had pushed them back for him for so long, but he couldn't bare to think that he was holding back other important work. 

"Go, Pepper. Tony and I will finish up," he said, giving an understanding smile. 

She gave an apology for having to do this two days in a row, and bowed her way out of the apartment, rushing to whomever it was that was on the phone. 

Without Tony's fiancée there to give them momentum, the two plodded along through the rest of the documents and requirements at a snail's pace, finishing just before lunch time, where the scientist's stomach commanded Stark to fill it with a cream of the crop meal. With a roll of his eyes, Steve opened the door for Tony to Bucky coming out of his apartment.

Again. 

"Howdy Steve's neighbour James, good seeing you again," Tony smirked, making Bucky bristle.

"The esteemed Anthony Edward Stark," he replied in a clipped voice, and was met with Tony's bubbling laughter. 

"I like this kid Rogers, you should keep him." And then he disappeared into thin air, leaving a gust of wind behind him. 

After a moment of silence, Steve spoke up.

"Hi James, how've you been?"

"Okay, I suppose. I was heading out to go to the diner, I can pick something up for you if you want?"

Well, that was a lie. Bucky was just going to go and collect his mail seeing as he had forgotten about it the day before, but seeing Tony Stark again had made him crave something greasy to line his stomach before he could wallow in a little bit of some alcoholic sorrows again. Not much, though, he didn't need to deal with a hangover on top of everything else tomorrow.

"You wouldn't mind bringing curly fries, would you? I'll definitely pay you back. I just need to get right to work, seeing as Stark wasted half my morning," Steve smiled.

"'Course not," Bucky turned around, hoping the movement would hinder the bitterness that he somehow couldn't remove from his voice. 

It didn't work, because Steve shot him an apologetic look and closed the door to wonder why James' voice sounded so familiar to him.

~*~

The diner was something like a second home to Bucky. Although not the nicest of places, he had worked there as a high school student, taking the traditional role of "Hot and Unattainable Busboy Number 1", as opposed to his hulking counterpart Brock, otherwise known as "Angry Jock Busboy Number 5". Now, the place was just as much of the run-down pile of ashes it had always been. 

Well, that was a little rude. They had spruced up a little two years ago, and the place looked better than it had during Bucky's busboy days. Not to mention the diner finally decided that workplace health and safety regulations were not an option, but a necessity. 

He entered Slip-Slop Joe's with mild trepidation, and was greeted by a cheerful girl, probably about his own age, playing the part of "Trying-to-get-in-the-acting-business-but-failing Waitress Number 3986" and wearing a crooked name tag that read   **A N G I E**  in block letters. 

It was a little more crowded than he had expected it to be, but he found an empty booth and headed towards it, before realising it was in fact occupied. 

One man with a scraggly beard sat with his eyes almost closed, sucking up his milkshake through three straws at the rate of a high-speed vacuum cleaner, and Bucky recognised him immediately. 

"Well if it isn't Mr. Lang," he smirked, taking a seat with the man. 

"Barnes! Long time no see," Lang said, pulling the three straws from where he'd shoved them between his gums.

"I would say 'fancy seeing you here' but I can't really say I'm surprised. You still a frequent visitor of this scum-under-the-shoe dumpster?"

"Hey now, Slip-Slop Joe's beats any other place's sloppy joe any day. I mean, hence the name. 'Sides, my daughter loves to come here with me."

"You've got yourself a daughter now, have you?" Bucky asked, perking up. He was worried the man had gotten back into a slump, what with being cooped up in a diner with an unkempt look about him. Back when Bucky had been a busboy, Scott was a struggling college student, constantly pinching himself awake with the help of the watered down coffee that the diner served for free, but now, although his appearance didn't look much better, Bucky was positive the man's life had improved.

Scott's mood brightened once the conversation was brought to the topic of his daughter, and the two spent a full forty-five minutes catching up before Bucky ordered some curly fries to go and headed out. 

He knocked on Steve's door twice with the curly fries, his own mail in the other hand, and was immediately ushered into the apartment before he could even open his mouth to say no. He should have been grateful, to be able to spend time with Steve, but knowing the existence of Tony soured the whole situation. 

"So, you and Tony Stark, hey?" He tried for an offhanded, casual tone. 

"Hm?" Steve said through a curly fry. "Oh yeah, we went to the same high school, funnily enough. Some fancy place that I got into on Arts scholarship because they were trying to gain reputation as an 'open school', whatever that means. And of course, at that point he was already an incorrigible genius."

"High school sweethearts?" Bucky asked, wriggling his eyebrows, although his eyes held no humour.

"Oh James, no," Steve shook his head vehemently. "I was a 90-pound scrawny asthmatic who would have jumped at the chance to skin the guy alive. Hated his guts. Still do, probably."

The conversation slowly transitioned on to other things of childhood, and Bucky's grudge lifted inch by inch. Steve having hated Stark's guts as a teenager meant nothing to Bucky (ever heard of the ship Drarry?), but chatting about how close they were to having met each other before was amazing. For all they knew, they had passed each other in the shopping centre, or played at the same park, been in passing cars on opposite sides of the road. 

Bucky fell asleep contented, sinking into his mattress minutes before midnight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Harry Potter trash always and you know it.


	4. Ep. 4: Bucky Barnes Embarrasses Himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forgive and Forget, with the emphasis on the _forget_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you this chapter would be better, but honestly I'm not so sure. Enjoy anyway, and thanks for visiting!

_"Good morning and welcome to Bucky Barnes Daily! Today we're broadcasting live from the living room window, and the weather is a sunny 75 degrees with a top of 79, no clouds or forecast of rain, but_ hello  _hot neighbour's abs you're looking_ fine  _this morning."_

So Bucky may have started a problem wherein he was unable to contain himself and kept blurting out words about Steve's beautifully sculpted abs on air. But no one knew who he was talking about anyway, much less the man himself who probably had some workout playlist streaming through his earphones as he ran, so Bucky felt it was safe to continue on commentating his daily ogling of Steven Grant Rogers and his exceptional body on Bucky Barnes Daily. 

_"If you're on social media I'm sure you know what today's topic is, because if I haven't had enough of you scream about #GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend... Well I have to admit I'm a wee bit of a fan of the franchise, so I'm more than glad to hop on the train and chat with you guys about this. Personally I'd like to submit myself as a possible boyfriend for the Captain? But obviously, I'm a real human, not a comic book character, so that's uh... probably not happening."_

Steve laughed wholeheartedly, earning a couple of weird looks his way as he ran through the park. Figures that Bucky Barnes just had to become more perfect. Captain America was Steve's  _favourite_ superhero. He was everything he stood for. Sure Iron Man had cool gadgets (like really cool, Steve was jealous) but Captain America's morals were unbeatable by any standard. Now more so than ever, Steve and Bucky had so much in common, and Steve yearned once more for the chance to meet this man who had stolen his heart just by speaking into a microphone every morning. 

~*~

" _So_ ," Natasha drawled, one eyebrow raised with a smirk that was sure to bring thunder. 

"So," Bucky said back, audibly gulping. 

"I listened to your podcast this morning like a good friend." And oh great, now she was twirling her hair between her fingers. "Who's this hot neighbour with the abs?"

Bucky misjudged everything. There were repercussions to ogling Steve's muscles on air every morning and it was by far not a safe thing to do. He groaned, head smacking down onto the table with a loud thud that made Clint flinch. He would try to argue if it were anyone else, but it was  _Natasha_ and that meant that he was already meat at the point that he had let her into his new apartment. Should he plan to call Moira to thank her for a short stay and ask his parents to start planning his funeral? 

_I regret every life choice that brought me here._

"Anyway, Clint and I were talking, and we thought you were in dire need of a night out, so you're going bar hopping with us tonight. Got that? Alright, see you at eight!" 

Only a dazed response gurgled out of Bucky's mouth before the two were gone, and James Buchanan Barnes found his forehead planted back on his dining table, swear words flying left and right through his brain. 

To think it was only the first day of the month, and  _this_ was the way he started it? Bucky could only think of how terrible this meant the rest of July would be for him; continuously being dragged around by Natasha and ending every day with his face smushed atop his table in anguish. 

He sure hoped his table was up for some serious bonding time. Man, they were going to be best friends soon.

~*~

"You havin' a good time?" Clint yelled over the music. 

"Sure, buddy," Bucky patted the drunk man on the back. 

By their third bar, Clint was well and truly beyond walking straight, Bucky was still sipping on cheap bottles of beer, and Natasha drank double the both of them combined and was still a fully-functional human being. 

Although... maybe she wasn't in as good a condition as Bucky thought she was, if the fact that she was intentionally making half the dance floor aroused before walking away out of their reach was any sign at all. He watched her lean down to press a kiss to a girl's cheek, before making her way to some cool aloof emo who was trying to look like he wasn't having any fun. 

Clint rolled his eyes good-naturedly and laughed, sloshing beer all over himself in the process. Bucky shook his head to get some paper towels, but on his way back he spotted a familiar face at one of the tables in the back corner, and was immediately drawn by the sight. Namely, Tony Stark in a bar with someone across the table who was not Pepper Potts, his alleged fiancée, or Steve Rogers, who Bucky was sure was Tony's boyfriend. 

Instead, there was a man, brown hair gathering in curls at the top of his head, and glasses perched on his nose. The two looked decidedly  _close_ , huddled together and talking about God knows what, but whatever it was had them sucked into the conversation, unaware of anything else.

What Bucky was painfully unaware of was the fact that they were huddled for one reason and one reason only: top secret science experiments. Sure, maybe it would have been more logical to have the conversation in the comfort and privacy of Tony's home, but it wasn't the man's fault that he had wanted a night out with his best bud Bruce.

Bucky's jaw clenched, and he stormed back to where Clint was, shoving the paper towels at the man's chest before growling that he was going home. He rushed back to his apartment, unable to stop his feet from stomping up the stairs, and knocked on Steve's door with a relentless fury, almost punching the poor blond in the face when it opened earlier than he had expected. 

Panting, he looked Steve straight in the eye. "You need to break up with Tony." 

Steve took in the stench of sweat and alcohol clinging to Bucky's clothes, and quickly sat him down on his sofa before he answered. 

"I'm... I'm sorry?"

"Tony! Tony Stark! You know, the genius from Stark Enterprises? I'm telling you, you've gotta break up with the guy he's not doing you any good, Stevie."

Steve's face cleared, and soon he was shaking with laughter beside Bucky. "James, good heavens, no! Is that what you meant when you asked if we were high school sweethearts?"

It was Bucky's turn to look baffled, as he sat there on Steve's couch with his cheeks puffed out. 

"I thought you were joking! Me dating Tony is the equivalent of the President of the United States marrying Donald Trump! Not- not to compare Trump to Tony, of course. I'm just saying, that's so absurd!"

"Oh God I'm so sorry, Steve. I've been such an idiot. I saw him at the bar with some man and I just-" Bucky sighed. "Forgive and forget? Emphasis on the forget. I don't need you remembering this moment." 

Steve chuckled, nodded, then stuck his pinky out in agreement. "That's a pinky promise. And if you stay and keep me company for a couple of hours, I'll never mention that this happened to anyone. That sound good?" he asked. 

"It's a done deal, Rogers," Bucky shook his hand, relieved. "So what've you got on TV?"


	5. Ep. 5: Bucky Barnes is Regrettably Not Steve's Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey, Stevie," a weak voice breathed out. 
> 
> "James. Where should we go for lunch? I have a feeling we should have planned this beforehand. I'll shout you, of course, a good proper welcome to the apartment complex meal-"
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _[ Enter left, Snoopy McSnoopsters Charles Francis Xavier and Erik Magnus Lehnsherr. ]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for coming to this fic! This is about the most successful anything I've written has become, so I'm starting to get really excited. Bucky Barnes Daily is hitting stats most of my fics either aren't even at or took months to get to! So really, thank you so much. 
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter that should be polished a bit more but isn't because I'm a lazy butt!

_"It's Bucky Barnes from Bucky Barnes Daily! It's the 9th of July and there's a possible thunderstorm on the rise with a top of 84 degrees. That being said we should have plenty of sunshine to spare during the day, so I wouldn't say it's a bad idea to spend this Saturday outside. Perhaps you could sit on a park bench and gaze sadly at the picnicking couples as they kiss under the sunlight, wallowing in your single sorrows? I know those plans are more often than not in my schedule._

_Not today though, because this guy has himself a date with his bed! The moment this podcast is over, I'm going to go to sleep until I'm required to be a normal citizen. So without further ado, onto our topic today!"_

Although a lie that Bucky would have loved to fulfil, he was (unfortunately? Or maybe fortunately) not going to go back to sleep when the podcast was over. Perhaps if he were a more confident being, then he would indeed be sleeping until midday, but after having agreed to go out for lunch with Steve this weekend, Bucky hadn't really slept at all. It wasn't a  _date_ ,nothing seemed to be a date with Steve. He was just a ridiculously friendly guy, and if he was offering friendship then Bucky wasn't in any position to be turning it down.

_"...so then I was like, 'You've gotta be kidding me!' but you don't get it guys, this dude was totally serious. He thought he was going to be getting..."_

Steve tuned out somewhere in the middle of Bucky's podcast. It wasn't to say that it was boring him, no Steve would say time and time again that this was his favourite podcast, but he found himself with more...  _pressing_ matters at hand.

Say for instance, the fact that he and James had agreed to go out for lunch today, and Steve couldn't help but feel that in a very odd, obscure way, he was cheating on Bucky Barnes with this James Buchanan from next door. Not to compare the two, or to say that one was better than the other, but James hadn't been through all the hard times for Steve when Bucky was. 

But that wasn't really the problem. The real problem was that Sam had, just last night, smirked at him, flashing his pearly whites, and then proceeded to roast him into smithereens, before beaming and saying: "you've got a big old crush on this new neighbour guy, don't you." 

Which no, Steve did not, thank you very much Samuel Thomas Wilson. He was just a kind, caring neighbour, who also happened to be the very definition of smoking hot.

_Wait..._

 

Steve could have done without the revelation that he was crushing on Bucky like a 12-year-old girl. 

 

* * *

 

Charles tapped his foot impatiently outside the door to his apartment, his arms crossed, looking very much like an upset puppy on the verge of a shoe-stealing tantrum.

"Erik you  _promised_ you wouldn't spend an hour on your hair today!" 

The man in question appeared right beside him, key in hand. 

"Is it my fault I want to impress my fiancé?" he grinned, shark-like, when two voices floated up from the floor below. 

The recently-engaged couple leaned over the balustrade to find Steve Rogers from 4A standing with a man they hadn't seen before. 

"That must be James Buchanan," Charles whispered, before taking one step down the stairs to get a better view. 

"Oh  _hell_ no Rogers. If you think for one second you're paying for this meal, you're wrong. You deserve this, and I'm paying," James Buchanan said, voice stern. 

Erik chuckled, nudging his fiancé. "Sounds like you back when we first started out."

"But James!" Steve exclaimed. "I can't let you do that, really."

"Well you don't have a choice! Consider it a thank you for the 1st of July debacle."

Steve began to argue, but 4B wouldn't take any of it.

"And payback because you didn't tell me it was your birthday on the 4th. Did you think I wouldn't notice,  _Stevie_?" he growled.

Charles gasped audibly, before slapping a hand over his mouth. These two were adorable; give-Charles-and-Erik-a-run-for-their-money-as-cutest-couple-in-the-complex adorable. And honestly? He felt threatened. He looked over to Erik, who was speculating the happenings before him with a calculating eye, and Charles knew right in that moment that something bad was about to happen. 

"No! Erik!" he hissed, before lunging over to link arms with the man, trying to descend the stairs like normal people who hadn't been eavesdropping on their neighbours at all. 

Erik's shark-like grin was back on his face, positively plastered there, and the man ignored the sharp jab on his right from his fiancé. 

"You two make for about the cutest couple in town," he drawled. "Apart from us, of course."

Charles only just managed to give a small smile.

"You didn't tell us you had a boyfriend, Steve. We could have been having double dates!"

Cue endless spluttering from both boy's mouths, and Erik chuckling as they tried to gather a response. Charles, the kinder of the couple, laid a hand on Erik's chest as if to say  _that's enough_ and stepped in to save the day. 

Or not.

"We were so worried, Steve. I know you ended things with Peggy on good terms but then that... _mess_ that happened afterwards. We won't mention names, but we're just so happy for you, you know?" 

So maybe Charles and Erik were a little more alike than he liked to admit.

"We have a booking at the new place down town, but we'll see you two later, alright?"

Steve couldn't let the two down, not after how genuinely glad they seemed to see him with someone, so he just nodded and said goodbye before turning to Bucky with a bucket full of apologies for the two men who lived on the floor above them. He was embarrassed, if that were even a strong enough word to use. Charles was incredibly good at empathy - understanding people, reading people, the whole lot of it. And if he thought that Steve was dating James, then it was quite obvious that the small crush he'd just realised he had was not in fact small at all. 

~*~

Ultimately, Bucky won the battle for who was going to pay, and they even went to Slip-Slop Joe's to ease Steve's conscience. 

("Look, Steve. They always give me a discount here because I used to work here. I'm not even going to be paying full price, so you don't have to feel guilty!")

It was still not a date, especially after what Charles and Erik had said, but considering Steve had never been to Slip-Slop Joe's before, Bucky thought it could just be a bit of fun to be had. Between friends. 

They entered to be greeted by Trying-to-get-in-the-acting-business-but-failing Waitress Number 3986 again, and Bucky gave her a small nod, before stopping and turning around with the realisation that Steve wasn't following him to a table, but instead was staring at said waitress with his jaw dangling just an inch off the ground. 

" _Angie_?" Steve asked, incredulous. "Is that you?" 

"Mr. 'Merica, long time no see," the girl said with a mocking curtsy. 

"What are you doing back in town? Didn't you move to England with Peggy? Oh God you didn't break up, did you?" 

Bucky flinched the tiniest bit at the mention of Peggy, recognising the name from before when Charles had said it. 

Angie simply laughed in Steve's face, and slapped him with her dishcloth lightly. 

"Steve! We're married! Everything's fine, I promise." But the moment she finished the sentence the smile was wiped off of her face. She hadn't meant to say that.

"What do you mean you're married? You didn't even  _tell_ me! I could've taken a break off work to go, you know! I didn't- how long? How long have the both of you been hiding this from me?" 

Bucky stepped in at that point, with a hand on Steve's shoulder. "Stevie, you're annoying the customers, calm down."

Angie looked at Bucky with a grateful smile, and ushered the two into a booth before Steve could cause any more of a ruckus, telling them that everything was on the house, and that their meal would be a surprise. 

"English is gonna kill me for this. She was supposed to tell you herself. But anyway, she'll be back in town soon, I promise. She's just tying up some loose ends." 

That was, by far, the least comforting thing Steve could hear, although he was thrilled that Peggy would be coming back. In all honesty, he was a little hurt that he hadn't heard anything from either of them, especially Peggy. He had thought they were best friends, but perhaps it was a one-sided feeling. It wouldn't be far from the truth to say that his mood killed his tastebuds as he chewed mindlessly at his burger. He pouted for the rest of the meal and through all of their conversations, and in true Steve Rogers style, he scowled when Bucky told him he would be taking Steve out for another lunch seeing as the meal was on Angie today. 

(But Steve wasn't quite as upset as his face might have conveyed about the prospect of another lunch with James.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There probably won't be a chapter tomorrow since I'll be having a Les Mis Marathon with my friends (I'm so excited I'm such trash), but Saturday, hopefully, will be the arrival of chapter 6!


	6. Ep. 6: Bucky Barnes Goes to a Bakery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to The Maximoff Muffin Men, Bakery and Café.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here's your next update! If you've checked the tags, then you'll know that this chapter has Wanda and Pietro Maximoff! Since this has the Marvel side of Marvel and 20th Century Fox side of Marvel put together, I contemplated having Peter or Pietro but ultimately, since Wanda hasn't been introduced into X-Men I thought this was the way to go.

_"Hello, everybody! It is the 10th of July with a high of 86 and low of 68 degrees with your favourite podcast presenter Bucky Barnes! It's going to be about as sunny as my soul today, so it's time to get your doses of vitamin D! Those of you who get sunburnt easily, don't forget that sunscreen, and maybe a parasol could come in handy. Cute lil things, those parasols."_

Steve couldn't help but feel... glum. His usual morning run wasn't even a morning jog, he was merely walking through the park while listening to Bucky's podcast. Bucky must have had a wonderful day with his bed to feel so happy, in comparison to Steve who couldn't shake his mind off yesterday's lunch. Peggy was coming back, and that was wonderful news, but he wasn't in the mood to be excited about it while knowing that he hadn't been invited to their wedding.

_"On such a lovely Sunday, I thought we could talk about some quick and easy recipes for going out to the park! So instead of gazing sadly at picnicking couples on a park bench, you can have a one-man party to make the couples jealous! Or even better, invite some friends out. I'm in my kitchen this morning, so I'll be making these as we go, and you can see the finished products on my twitter and instagram, both at @buckybdaily."_

He set to preparing the utensils in his kitchen for some mini sandwiches, chatting in the microphone as he went, and careful not to trip on any cords. Yesterday had been an absolutely splendid day for Bucky, and he couldn't be any happier. He took Steve to lunch at Slip-Slop Joe's and even though Steve pouted the entire time, he could tell the man still had a nice time, which was all Bucky wanted. He had also met his upstairs neighbours who seemed like delightful people, despite the fact that they made Bucky panic for all of 5 seconds at the mention of boyfriends. He let it go quickly though, because there were more urgent matters at hand (convincing Steve to let him pay for lunch), and also because the two were such caring people, that Bucky didn't have the heart or mind to tell them of their mistake. 

Besides, Bucky wasn't going to complain for being mistaken as Steve's boyfriend. 

He gently shook a bottle of carbonated water with a couple of summer fruits to end the quick and easy recipes, and finished the podcast to take pictures and upload them to his social media accounts, and was just about to dig into a sandwich he'd made when he heard a knock on his door. 

Bucky opened up to Steve smiling sheepishly, a slight sheen of sweat collecting just at his forehead. 

"So I want to thank you for lunch yesterday," he started, and Bucky, for the lack of brain power to function properly in front of the guy, slapped his hand over Steve's mouth and glared at him. 

"I didn't even pay! You're not allowed to make it up to me."

Steve removed the hands from his mouth before speaking again, and licked his lips before sighing. 

"So if you pay for yourself, will you let me show you my favourite bakery?" he asked. 

Bucky eyed Steve carefully, then gave him a slow nod, before grabbing his wallet and keys to head out behind Steve. 

~*~

It turned out that Bucky knew the bakery, had even been there a couple of times himself, but Steve ushered him in before calling out to the back. 

"Is that Mr. Rogers we hear?" two accented voices said in unison. "And he's brought a man!" the girl stage-whispered to the boy beside her. 

"So James, this is Wanda and Pietro Maximoff who own the bakery, and twins, this is James, my new neighbour," Steve introduced. 

"Oh so  _this_ is James," Pietro smirked, offering a hand. Bucky didn't know what that meant. 

"It's nice to meet you Pietro. Wanda." Bucky shook each of their hands, and smiled. "This is an awfully successful business for someone so young. I know people in their 50s and 60s who would kill to get it as good as you two. It's a great place." 

"We almost didn't make it," Wanda laughed. "But we had plenty of support, and we even made it into a magazine, so. I think that's really where we started getting customers." 

The twins allowed Bucky in on the "special menu" that only friends and family were aware of, and Steve couldn't help the smile on his face to see James making friends so quickly. The special menu was one of Steve's favourite things about the bakery, that feeling of knowing something that others didn't. The sprinkle of guilt that he had the chance to know what many frequent customers didn't nagged at him at times, but Steve preferred the company that Wanda and Pietro kept, rather than the ability to choose off a menu made especially for a select few people. 

"You know, this special menu is an exceptional idea. You could even take it further for marketing purposes, in a way. Don't let it be known as a thing, but making friends through your business is a wonderful way to go. I'm a little under-caffeinated today so I might not be making sense, but think about it: you have a selection of baked goods specifically for your friends. If people take the time to get to know you and talk to you, letting them in on the menu could be like a thank you of sorts. Until maybe it's a locals-only thing, and it could really create a warm atmosphere, you know? Obviously it's a little sad for the tourists and passer-by's, but it could work," Bucky spieled out around a mouthful of cake from said special menu, voice hushed in the corner of the bakery.

"Where did you find this one Steve? Are we allowed to keep him?" Pietro said, now on break and leaving the bakery to their employees. 

They continued to talk the morning away, Wanda and Pietro disappearing every now and again when the lines began to lengthen. 

The four were in a conversation about James and Steve's apartment complex when Bucky mentioned the man from 2C, who was giving Moira trouble when he had first settled into his apartment. 

"Oh, you mean Colt Cockburn?" Steve said, sipping his coffee. 

The twins gasped at the name, eyes wide.

"That arse is from your apartment?" Wanda asked. "We hired him once, he was horrible!"

Pietro came in to elaborate. "We asked him to clean up shop because we had tickets to a concert and he smashed the entire bakery to dust. Don't even know why." 

Wanda nodded. "Trashed the place and never came back. We were only able to manage because we had insurance."

Bucky's face was stuck in a grimace, his chin pushed back at the absurdity of the story. Was it anger management issues? Or did the guy just enjoy watching the world burn? Sure, Bucky had met his fair share of terrible people in his life, some he could easily say were worse than this Colt Cockburn of apartment 2C, but honestly, what was wrong with humanity for such things to happen? 

Pietro disappeared for a moment, before striding back in with a folder neatly labelled "Past Employees", and slapped Colt Cockburn's file down onto the table. 

Bucky took one look at the photograph attached mid-swing on his chair (a habit high school teachers had tried to rid him of, but ultimately failed), and almost fell back onto the ground in shock. He couldn't believe the man who stared back at him from the photo.

 

He knew Colt Cockburn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is Colt Cockburn? Find out in Episode 7: Bucky Barnes Burns.


	7. Ep. 7: Bucky Barnes Burns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colt Cockburn, first and foremost, was a ~~dick~~ cock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an implied fight scene in here! I didn't want to get into the gory details, so you won't actually see the two characters pummel each other to pulp, but there's plenty of scolding afterwards.

_"Good morning and welcome to Bucky Barnes Daily! Today's episode is brought to you from the comfort of my bed because I don't have to get up until 12:30 today! It's a late start hump day for me, so everyone say thanks to my boss for my cheery mood. From here the weather's looking dark and dreary, but that can be fixed by pulling the covers off my head! Well uh... squinting at the window it's looking sunny today, but unfortunately from this position I can't see the hot neighbour's abs as he runs past, so let's sit up slowly..."_

Bucky groaned as his entire body protested sitting up, but he stayed strong for the sake of his podcast. It wouldn't do to allow his audience to miss an opportunity for him to drool over Steve's muscles. 

 _"...which leads me to today's topic, which is exercise! I know, it sucks and I honestly dream of a world where I don't have to do it but it's a good! Wait. It's a good? Did I just say It's_ a  _good? Well anyway, moving on from my inability to speak English..."_

~*~

Figures it would be the 13th day of the month when something such as this would happen. Figures it would start off as a wonderful morning and quickly spiral downhill in the matter of seconds. Figures it would be because of  _him_. 

 

Bucky hopped down the stairs, keys jingling in his hands as he made his way out of the apartment. He was just about to reach the second floor landing when he heard a door swing open, and looked over to find a man clicking the door to apartment 2C shut. 

"Oh, you must Colt  _Cock_ burn," Bucky drawled from the stairs. "I don't think we've met, I'm the new resident on floor 4."

Immediately the man tensed, and snarled, "It's  _Coe-_ burn."

"Really?" Bucky answered, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Because I was so sure it was Brock Rumlow."

"Well if it isn't Barnesy!" Cockburn turned around and grinned wolfishly, gaining confidence with the knowledge that this person couldn't hurt him.  _Wouldn't_ hurt him. 

"What's with the arseholery and the name change? You in hiding or something?" Bucky ignored the man and went straight to asking the questions. 

Brock's eyes narrowed, and he eyed the brunet before him with care. Was it pure coincidence that they were living in the same apartment complex, or was the man there for something? They hadn't seen each other since their days at Slip-Slop Joe's, and for all Brock knew, Barnes was a cop now, out to hunt him down and take him in. Not, of course, the Brock was weak enough to be able to be contained by a flimsy little jail. (Read: So maybe he was a little scared of going to jail. Nobody needed to know that.)

"What's it matter to you?" he asked. "Rumlow's a dead man. It's Colt Cockburn now." 

"Yes, but who killed Rumlow?" 

"I did," the man replied, growing impatient. "I killed Brock Rumlow because he was a pathetic loser, and Colt got me to the top of a cult."

"Ahh, so that's what the alliteration is about. C for Cult. It's cute, kinda." 

Bucky's smile was tight, his stance almost anticipating a fight out of Brock.

He wasn't wrong.

~*~

Steve returned home with Sam for a movie night to find cops out the back of the apartment, and walked slowly towards the commotion with his eyebrows furrowed. For a short moment he feared a murder, but there was no yellow tape to confirm his suspicion. 

"Excuse me sir," Steve had begun to say to an officer when he caught sight of his new neighbour swaying on his feet. " _James!?_ "

"Stevie, hey!" James blinked slowly, words slurring together slightly as he made his way over to the blond. "I've got two questions for ya: what're you doing back here, and who's that chocolate hunk behind you?" 

Steve didn't dignify the questions with an answer, and instead watched as Colt was cuffed and shoved into a car before dragging James up to his apartment. The trip up was relatively easy, with both Steve and Sam giving Bucky support up the stairs, careful as ever not to irritate any of his wounds. 

 

Bucky was adorned with bruises and cuts; a split lip, a blue bruise blooming high on his cheekbone, and he even sported a bite mark on his upper arm, all of which Steve cleaned up and bandaged with practiced precision, all while fuming to James about how he needed to be more careful, and that he should stay out of trouble. 

It earned him a smack upside the head from Sam, who rolled his eyes to tell him he wasn't anywhere in the position to be telling his neighbour such things when Steve himself couldn't keep out of trouble.

By the time Bucky was all patched up, the three had gathered on Steve's couch for some movies with some pizza. Sam had already taken a liking to James, had admittedly half fallen in love with the man from the moment he was called a chocolate hunk (incredibly sorry, chick he met on tinder last week but Sam's a taken man now), and the two seemed to be becoming fast friends, already stealing each other's pizza toppings and fighting over the last bottle of beer all throughout the movie. 

Steve watched with a smirk, taking a sip from his own beer, wondering if the two would ever realise he'd hidden the second last bottle under his shirt. 

All too soon it was time for Bucky to clock out, needing the sleep to heal his wounds, but the moment the door closed Sam was onto Steve much in the way that lions hunted for food. 

"So that's James, huh? Quite the man you've got your eyes on, Rogers." 

Steve sighed. He should have seen it coming. 

"Better get in quick before he's swept up by someone else," Sam winked, although he had no intentions of stealing the man of Steve's dreams. What mattered first and foremost was that Sam actually  _approved_ of this possible boyfriend unlike last time, which was not to be mentioned under any circumstances ever. 

"Yeah..." was all Steve managed to say back, eyes glazed over and pointed at the floor.


	8. Ep. 8: Bucky Barnes Gets New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TGIF?   
> Maybe.   
> Probably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For you Americans out there, happy 4th of July! Well, I guess it's not the 4th for you yet, but still.  
> Uh... have a chapter that I once again feel could be better but isn't because I'm an arse?
> 
> Never forget that I am forever appreciative of every one of you who visits this fic in any way!

_"Happy TGIF, guys! I can't believe it's already the 15th of July. Man, how time flies. We've got a top of 82 degrees today, but it's gonna be real humid, so keep cool folks, it's going to feel like a whopping 96 degrees. Might I remind you that if and where possible, keep to fans instead of air conditioning for the people who have to be outside. I know the sweet relief of the air con is great, but it makes it worse for the people outdoors. With that said, it's definitely time to slap that sunscreen on, because I don't need any of you getting skin cancer, you hear me?"_

Steve huffed, stopping his run for some water. So  _that_ was why it felt like such an effort to be running. He supposed, in comparison to say a country that lie on the equator, his struggles of heat were few, but 96 degrees? Maybe he should have listened to Sam and joined an air conditioned gym instead. It would certainly spare him from returning home looking like a soaked puppy who ran away from home and got stuck in the rain. You see, there was the kind of perspiration that people thought was hot, and then there was... this. 

He supposed that he should be grateful - living in Brooklyn meant the temperatures shouldn't rise above 100 degrees - but Jesus was his body not equipped for humidity. Specifically speaking, his hair was being really  _really_ weird. He reached a hand up to the fluff ball on top his head, and frowned. Was it time to give up and go bald? It would save him some time in the mornings, but-

Steve's phone punched him straight out of his reverie with a call. 

"Rogers! Dinner tonight at Blanca, my treat. Meet at 8 on the dot at that sleazy bar you hate with your neighbour man," was all Tony said before hanging up, leaving Steve standing in the middle of the path with his phone to his ear. 

~*~

It wasn't hard to bring James to the dinner, the guy practically jumped at the mention of free food, but Steve still wasn't sure why Tony had asked to meet up at quite possibly the worst bar in all of existence. It perpetually smelt of sweat and alcohol, with the occasional waft of blood, and the DJ was so terrible, even Steve with zero experience was sure he could do better than mixing two songs in completely different keys with entirely different time signatures together. 

They were the first there, standing around an easily noticeable table to wait for Tony and whoever else he had invited, with a beer each just to take the edge off. They were, after all, at a bar.

"James! How are those OCA2's working? No doubt making your eyes as grey and beautiful as ever?" Charles appeared beside them out of nowhere, grinning more or less like a Cheshire cat. 

"Charles, no one wants to talk about genetics in a bar," Erik sighed from behind Steve, and the man jumped, unaware of another presence. 

Somehow from that odd introduction the four segued into casually conversing when Tony finally decided to show up ("Whatever happened to 8 on the dot?" "Shut up, I'm shouting you."), with the rest of his friends in tow. 

"Now hurry along, children. I have someone underage waiting outside for us," he started to pull Steve along, when his eyes landed on Erik and Charles. 

"You two friends of Rogers'?" he asked, and when he received the affirmative, he took a firm hold of the both of them and dragged them along to the dinner as well. 

~*~

Steve felt James tense beside him when they reached the restaurant, and he turned to him with a quizzical look as if to ask what was wrong. 

"You didn't tell me we were going to Blanca!" Bucky hissed, face turning red. "I can't eat here, look how fancy and expensive it is!"

Steve sighed, and shook his head. "It's on Tony, and he's not going to let it be any other way. You'll get used to it, so sit back and enjoy the ride," he said, giving James the exact advice that Rhodey had given him years ago. 

The majority of the group was made up of people who worked with Tony, from the man Bucky had embarrassingly mistaken as a secret boyfriend, to a handsome young man with tortoise-shell glasses, a muscular frame that Stark paraded around as his best friend, and an alarmingly small and gangly boy who looked like he was only there because he was too afraid to say no. 

Sam was there too, taking a seat before he looked around the room and grimaced. 

"Man, it's a real sausage fest up in here. Where's all the ladies?!"

Bucky couldn't help but laugh, and gave Sam a comforting pat on the back.

"Could it be?" Stark snorted quietly. "There is a Straight™ among us?" 

"Now now, Tony," Steve laid a hand on his shoulder. "Don't single Sam out, I'm sure there's someone else out there who joins him." 

"Yeah, but not you," Stark laughed, and they all walked over to take their seats. 

Sam sat on the end, claiming he needed his own wallowing party, and Bucky took the seat beside him. On his right was Steve, then Erik, Charles and Hank, the guy with the glasses who, as it turned out, was acquaintances with Charles. Next to Hank sat Peter, who Bruce was trying to cheer up, then followed by the best friend Rhodey, and Tony himself at the head of the table, who from his position asked to have every possible meal served, pulling a fat wad of cash out of his pocket as if it were a handful of coins, telling the waiter to give himself a nice tip, and apologising that he had left all his credit cards at home. (As if! God, Bucky despised rich people sometimes.)

Bucky moaned unapologetically with every new dish that was served before him, and grinned over at a red-faced Steve.

"Come on, eat up! It's amazing, trust me. Don't be afraid of the little crab, Stevie."

(That really wasn't what Steve was afraid of. And also - that was _not_ a "little" crab!)

 

Meanwhile Bruce and Rhodey were trying to restrain a drunk Tony Stark who was vehemently trying to pour alcohol in Peter's glass, who shifted uncomfortably into Hank's side, trying to disappear into the room. 

"I-I'm sorry, Mr. Stark," the intern squeaked. "I'm just too young! A-a-and I just- I really d-don't get all the hoopla around alcohol. It doesn't t-taste very nice." 

"Parker, this is an order from your boss. One sip. You're in good company!" Tony swayed, before Rhodey finally gave up and sat on top of Tony in the chair so that he wouldn't be able to move any further. 

"Thank you sir," Peter whispered to Rhodey before he came out of the little burrow under Hank's arm and went back to tentatively eating his steak. 

Bucky would tell you that Steve kept weird company, but he felt he wasn't quite in the position to be saying such things considering the people he had for friends. It wasn't to say that he would be abandoning Natasha and Clint for this wild conglomeration of humans, oh no, he merely found that he could do with some more friends. Although... were these new friends any better? 

(Probably not.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Blanca is a real restaurant but I have no idea what it serves, just that it's renowned and expensive! That is all.   
> Sincerely, a perplexed Australian.
> 
> Also regarding sexualities! I am a strong supporter of Bi Steve and Pan Bucky. Also, for the sake of this story at least, Tony is Bi, and... basically no one else actually has a specific sexuality. They just... are, and we'll see what happens, if anything happens at all. 
> 
> (P.S. I'm not sure if my writing was clear since I couldn't find a good way to write it, but Bucky was comforting Sam so he didn't hear Tony say anything about Steve not being straight. It is imperative to the storyline at the moment!)


	9. Ep. 9: Becca Barnes Takes Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Becca <3<3<3 your fave the fabulous:** It's your precious sister you wouldn't abandon her would you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe how fast things escalate! All those views, kudos, comments and bookmarks... Wow, I don't know what to say! Umm here have Episode 9! I think some of the wording is weird so I'll probably come back and fix it soon.

_"Hey, it's Bucky Barnes Daily!_ _And have I got some great news for you! Those t-shirts I was talking about 2 months ago? Well they're made and ready for you guys to order, so you can join the BBD squad right now! The link is on my twitter if you're interested! I would love to say all proceeds are going to a charity, but at this point they're going to the "Fill Bucky's Fridge" fund. I'll keep you posted on how things go with that, then we can vote for a charity once my fridge is satisfied."_

Well, Steve was getting one of those for himself right now. Like a stop everything, sit-down-on-the-bus-stop-bench-and-order-that-shit-right-this-second kind of right now. It wasn't like he was obsessed with the podcast or anything.  

_"There's also a photo of the shirts and other stuff on my twitter, so you can choose which design you want and whatever, and I'm excited to see you guys out and about on the street embarrassing yourselves by wearing the merchandise of a lame podcast! Anyway, your daily reminder: it's the 23rd of July today, it is a Saturday and it's nice and warm with a high of 86 degrees..."_

~*~  

> **_Becca <3<3<3 your fave the fabulous: _ ** _GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS_

Bucky sighed. He had forgotten his little sister was visiting for the weekend. And also, for God's sake when and how did she keep changing her contact name on his phone? It was starting to get downright creepy. 

> _**Becca <3<3<3 your fave the fabulous:  ** ITS TIME FOR ME TO PARTAYYYYYYYY_
> 
> _**Becca <3<3<3 your fave the fabulous:  ** No buck srsly tho open the door _
> 
> _**Becca <3<3<3 your fave the fabulous:  **It's your precious sister you wouldn't abandon her would you _

He shot back a resigned text and buzzed the girl in, waiting with his apartment door open and a smile on his face. She came in and settled herself on the sofa right away, dropping her cracked phone onto the coffee table. 

"So," she said slowly. "It's Brooklyn with Bex time."

Bucky inhaled a deep breath before groaning, forehead meeting his palm. It had become a family tradition for them, for Becca to take over Bucky's podcast for one day in her very own segment called "Brooklyn with Bex" every holiday.

Becca hadn't spent much of her life in Brooklyn. Where Bucky spent most of his life growing up there, the moment he got into college his parents moved back to Indiana where he was born, taking Becca with them. Thus began, Becca visiting for one weekend whenever she was on vacation, and destroying the good reputation his podcast had built with an unofficial tour of the city. 

"Okay, whatever," he said, resigned. He wasn't exactly in a position to be refusing now, not after all the times they'd done this. "Lead the way." 

"I was thinking we should find an antique shop. It's all the new rage right now, isn't it? Going vintage and all that. So do you know any good places? I want somewhere that's kitschy, a little small but with a lot of potential. These are the kinds of things your audience wants to see! Not too expensive of course, it needs to be affordable and attainable. Also, after the antique shop do you think we could settle down in a cafe and I can record my beautiful intro to the show and all that? Give that homy feeling with the bustling of people in the background while my smooth-as-honey voice caresses your listeners' ears." 

Bucky slapped a hand over his sister's face and pulled her along. "You shut up before I sew your mouth together." 

~*~

There turned out to be many antique stores in the vicinity, and Becca nitpicked each and every one before returning to the first one they found. She switched on the portable microphone and stepped in. 

"Well today I thought we'd visit some antique stores around here, and can I just say this is the best place I've ever seen in my life!" Becca chirped as Bucky stood by at the exit and let her do her work. 

She was talented in so many ways, and if she took on podcasting, he was sure she'd have him pummelled to nothing in a matter of seconds. She just had that natural knack for being good at things that Bucky could never grasp. _At least_ , he thought,  _she can't sing for shit and her sense of rhythm is even worse._ Sure Becca had good dance moves, but were they ever in time with the music?  _ **N-O SPELLS NO!**_ Becca's old ballet teacher would tell you with all the feeling her eighty-two-year-old heart could muster. 

When Becca had finished with the vintage stores, she skipped around town looking for a cafe, when her eyes landed on The Maximoff Muffin Men. 

"That looks amazing!" she exclaimed before Bucky could stop her.

"This is perfect. Come on, gimme the microphone," she made grabby hands for Bucky's bag. 

 _ "Good morning! Are you wondering why this voice doesn't sound like Bucky Barnes? Well, fear not, for the only reason you listen to Bucky Barnes Daily is finally back! Yes, it's true, I've graced your presence again, it's your school vacation dose of Brooklyn with Bex! We're in this great cafe-bakery today before we explore the town, and it's called _  The Maximoff Muffin Men _._   _Definitely worth your time! Bucky, go order me a coffee. Now, today I thought we might like to go and visit some..._ _ " _

Bucky stood to order the coffee, and some cakes along with them too. He couldn't help but be relieved when he saw that neither Wanda nor Pietro seemed to be on shift or were out the back, because he didn't want to be explaining his sister. 

He returned to the table and Becca delved into describing her sweet treat into the microphone. 

On a table not so far away Wanda and Pietro were on break, discreetly hiding their faces with newspapers after seeing James walk in with a young girl, trying to eavesdrop on their new friend. They watched as he sat down beside the girl and spoke into the microphone, but as Wanda leaned in to catch what the two were saying, Pietro put his focus back onto the newspaper, unaware that the next words would be the prerecording of a certain podcast.

_ "I'm Bex," _

_ "And I'm Bucky,"  _

_ "And this has been the Brooklyn with Bex show on Bucky Barnes Daily."  _

_ "I'll see you next vacation," _

_ "And I'll see you all tomorrow. Stay cool, this has been Bucky Barnes from Bucky Barnes Daily." _

Wanda gasped, perhaps a little more loudly than she had expected the sound to come out, and shook her brother with a vicious vigour. She recognised that name: Bucky Barnes Daily. She had heard it before somewhere from someone...  _Steve!_

"Pietro it's him! James is the boy Steve is always waxing poetic about!" Wanda hissed over to her brother.

"Yes, what's new?"

"You don't get it - James is  _him_! Bucky!"

Pietro dropped the newspaper, and cocked his head, looking over to the brunet man. 

"Things just got interesting," he smirked, and there didn't need to be words exchanged between them after that. This was a new secret that the two would keep under wraps while watching Steve flail about after James without the knowledge that his beloved podcaster Bucky was the same man. 

Was it a mean thing to do? Possibly, but wasn't it about time that Wanda and Pietro stopped meddling in Steve's love life and just let him take full reign? The man probably had enough of the two trying to set him up with different people who frequented the cafe. And he did always make that annoyed face when the twins came in to try and speed the relationship up.

"Honestly, for how long he's listened to the podcast, you'd think he would recognise the voice," Wanda rubbed her chin, before startling the brunet who was packing up his belongings by sneaking up on him. 

"Another coffee, sir?" she asked innocently. 

"Jesus, Wanda! Warn a guy!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The answer to the previous question was no, by the way. Now was not the time to stop meddling; it was the time when they needed to meddle the most.)


	10. Ep. 10: Bucky Barnes Owes Kitty Pryde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Have you seen yourself, Barnes? You'd turn the straight guys gay." Also known as Kitty Pryde tries to pep-talk Bucky Barnes into asking Steve Rogers out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still still can't believe how well this fic is going! Maybe some of you won't consider this as "well" but believe me, I've never written anything this well-received by other people. So, as always, my many thanks to you. I realise I haven't mentioned all these times, but none of this is beta'd, I rather don't want to bother my betas while they're on holidays, especially since I'm rolling out a chapter a day.  
> Without further ado, Episode 10!

_"Morning all, it is officially the last day of July! That's uh, the 31st, for those of you who are a little rusty. You know, 30 days hath September, April, June and November, and all that jazz. So anyway, isn't it_ haunting  _how time flies? We're closer to 2017 than we are to 2007! Wow, that's weird. On the bright side though, it does mean we're closer to Christmas. Or in my words, gift-giving and gift-receiving! Honestly, for me, Christmas is the best time in the world. You get to spend time with your family and your friends, and there's presents galore! It's become this thing that people celebrate whether they're religious or not, which I think is nice, but obviously, let's not forget about all the other celebrations that other religions have._

_It seems to me you've guessed today's topic. That's right, it's December holidays! Because I'm already too excited. Oh, but guys! I forgot about Halloween! Maybe we can talk about that tomorrow then. Okay, so. I'm kind of already craving a tooth-rotting peppermint latte right now. Sorry guys, I've released my true spirit: I'm a teenage white girl. You're not allowed to judge me because they're really yummy! Wait, I'm getting off-topic again. Alright, so, so, so. December. Winter. Holidays. Fun. Where should we begin? Ooh, how about I take some calls in. Hello darlin', who are you?"_

Steve grinned. Bucky was like an excitable little puppy this morning, going off on tangents about Christmas and Hanukkah and Bodhi and Yule, even Festivus if you would (were they showing their age to be talking about Seinfeld?), and non-denominational-fun-time-gifting-season, as Bucky had so eloquently tried to name. He silently cursed Bucky as he ran for making him excited about Christmas so early in the year, but in all truthfulness he was quite glad he wasn't the only Christmas-crazed chap in town. 

"On your left!" he suddenly heard from his... right? 

"I mean right! I'm on your right! Take that sucker! You listening to lover-boy through your earphones again?" Sam ran past, wriggling his eyebrows like mad caterpillars.

"You just cost me a conversation about decorative christmas wreaths!" Steve yelled after the man before switching on his determination. 

He ended up calling "On your left" to Sam twice, and it may or may not have earned him some middle fingers. Exactly how many times Sam flipped him the bird was a disclosed number for the purpose of keeping Steve's life strictly Parental Guidance-rated, though he may have already broken that himself with the number of times he swore inside his head when he was around James. 

_"That's all from Bucky Barnes Daily today! I'll see you tomorrow for the first of August!"_

~*~

One might recall a certain enraged twenty-one-year-old reprimand James Buchanan Barnes for a meal in place for his abandoning her at their old apartment complex. Bucky had, quite unfortunately, forgotten this fact himself, until yet again he was confronted by the girl, this time on his way to work. 

"Barnes."

"Pryde."

"You're taking me to lunch today on your break and we're going to that fancy Italian place. See you there." 

Bucky had to say he was much too shocked to form an answer, and by the time he had one the girl was long gone. He sighed, supposing he had no other choice than to treat the girl to her well-deserved meal. He had neglected to tell her he was moving apartments, after all. And he couldn't bare to imagine what kind of rock-and-roll arsehole had moved in after him. By how angry she sounded he could only guess how terrible he was. 

~*~

"Now, come along, James darling," Kitty sauntered over to him the moment he'd stepped foot outside of his office. 

Something was wrong with her voice. 

"What's with the accent?"

"Won't it be fun to be posh for a day? I thought I'd make the most of pretending to be rich while you paid for my lunch," she responded, batting her eyelashes. 

Bucky snorted softly through his nose and nodded. "Sure Kitty, whatever you want. You deserve it." 

They spoke of everything under the sun at the restaurant, taking their dear sweet time to finish their meals. Kitty managed to keep up her British accent throughout the meal, and she seemed to be quite proud of it, considering their waitress had assumed she was actually British. Kitty talked about the wannabe rock-and-roller from next door, and about college and how she was doing, what she wanted to do with her future. Bucky in turn spoke of Steve and the apartment and the new friends he'd made from it, and how Becca had visited just the weekend before. 

("I'm aware, James. Oh you can be such a muppet sometimes. I spent some time with her too." "Oh yeah of cours- wait  _what_? When?")

Kitty was quick to pounce back onto the topic of Steve though, as she swirled a teaspoon around in her coffee. Her eyes had lit up at the first mention of him, and Bucky should have known that she would become quickly invested. She always seemed to, when it came to Bucky's love life. He could only hope that if he ever did work up the nerve to ask Steve out, she wouldn't scare him away with the whole you-hurt-him-I-hurt-you spiel that she seemed to adore handing out like little gift bags, claiming that she was only doing Becca's work. 

Bucky's only worry was that Kitty was  _too_ scary. The girl was kind and caring, sure, but... scary. When she needed to be, anyway. Which tended to be a lot, but what can you do? Humanity is trash and death is inevitable.

"But Katherine, my darling, I don't think you understand," Bucky patted Pryde's hand, slowly adopting a British accent himself without realising it. "What if he's straight?"

The brunet man had asked the question so seriously that Kitty couldn't help but burst out into an unladylike laughter that surely wasn't suitable for the high-class restaurant they were dining in. 

"Have you seen yourself, Barnes? You'd turn the straight guys gay." 

"I can't  _turn_ people's sexualities any way, Pryde." After a moment, he mumbled, "unfortunately."

Kitty sighed, a big one where she filled her lungs to the brim before expelling the air, and looked Bucky straight in the eye. "Look. You're afraid that he might be straight. But what if he's not? Are you gonna throw that chance away?"

"You don't get it, even Charles... Charles talked about Steve going out with this girl, Peggy, and after that he said it was a mess he wouldn't name. Now I don't know what gender they were, if they even had a gender, and I certainly don't know what kind of a state Steve's in to be dating right now." 

"So there's all these things you don't know. So what?" Kitty shrugged. Barnes of all people should know that love didn't need to be constricted to one gender.

"So  _what_? So plenty! There's nothing else to say here. Everything points to 'Bucky Barnes should not ask Steve Rogers out'!"

"God, you're so infuriating sometimes, you know that?" Kitty's British accent had melted away by now. "If you've got all these questions, then just take the time to get to know him. Become his friend, like you already are! And so maybe on the way you'll find out the answers to your questions and it'll end up that you can't ask him out. And that's whatever! In the process you gained a great friend. Isn't that what's important? Unless, of course, you wanna be chicken shit."

Bucky was silent for a while, so Kitty stood up, hauled the man out of his seat and made him pay for the lunch. 

"You'll be late to work," she muttered, dragging what seemed to be a still-dazed brunet back to his office before he got in any trouble for taking such a long lunch break. Sure he owed her a lunch, but she didn't need him getting in trouble because of it. 

"Thank you," he whispered before he turned away, and Kitty knew what that meant. 

On a base level, it meant she could continue to be invested in his love life because he was about to follow her words of inspiration, but it was also for getting him back to work and just for being a friend. But still, most importantly, that thank you meant that Katherine Anne Pryde would do God's work and get Barnes with that Steve Rogers from next door. 

She couldn't wait.


	11. Ep. 11: Bucky Barnes Gets an Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Podcast Challenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of sad news, I'll be writing up until Chapter 15 and leaving this fic for a little while when the school term starts, because it's the most important term and I don't want to be getting distracted. It's not finite, there's a high chance I'll come back every now and again while procrastinating to update, but officially, I shouldn't be coming back to AO3 until mid-September. I want to thank all of you little doves for coming to this story and taking such a liking to it, and I hope that you'll be able to wait for that long until I'm done with the most crucial part of my high school life. I appreciate every single one of you!

_"Well hey guys, happy 1st of August! As promised, today's topic is indeed Halloween! But before we hop on to that, the weather! We're looking at pretty well clear skies today, with a top of 85 degrees and a minimum of 72. So really, no different from yesterday. I think it's still a little humid, but we're getting better, and before you know it it'll be fall around here._

_At this point we're officially three months away from October, the Queen of Halloween and also the epitome of fall. There are pumpkins everywhere - pumpkin everything! - and there's just something about the colours that this transitional season brings us. Don't ya think? Now enough of me trying to be poetic,_ _I think the most important thing about Halloween is trick or treating, and I know it's great to be there at the door when kids come knocking, but some years I recommend you take the night off and go dress up to collect some candy yourself! Honest, my friends and I do it all the time and it's great fun. I mean, it's free candy!_

_So let's start in on the calls, shall we? What should we make the first point of conversation? Favourite candies or Halloween costumes? Well, we'll see what our first caller decides! Hello, what's your name?"_

_"Bucky Barnes?"_

_"I'm sorry, that's my name, not yours!"_

_"Well yes, my name is T'Challa."_

_"T'Challa! A pleasure to meet you."_

_"Likewise, but I'm not here to talk about Halloween. You see, I have a proposition to make."_

_"A proposition... You don't happen to be_ the  _T'Challa, do you?"_

_"It's nice to see my own podcast seems to be doing well enough for you to have heard of it. Yes, that is me."_

_"Well isn't this just wonderful! What, pray do tell, is this proposition you speak of?"_

_"I, T'Challa, challenge you, Bucky Barnes, to the Podcast Challenge! A one-month ordeal where for 31 days straight starting today we do 31 things on the challenge list and let our listeners vote to see which of us is how do you say... better."_

_"Intriguing indeed! Thank you for choosing me as your rival, T'Challa, I accept! So, what's first up on our Podcast Challenge?"_

_"Day One: Ten random facts about yourself. I will leave you with that and return to my own podcast to answer to the challenge myself. I wish you good luck in trying to defeat me, I'm sure it will be a good competition."_

_"God speed, my friend. I suppose I'll see you at a later date._

_So! I hope you guys don't mind that I intrude our Halloween chat for a little bit to do this challenge? It's only 10 facts, so we'll be back to talking about pumpkins in no time, I promise. Let's start from the very beginning. Are you all there to count along with me?_

_Uh... Fact number one: I grew up in Brooklyn where I live right now, but I was actually born in Indiana. Two: I have brown hair, naturally. I considered dying it blue once but I haven't quite gotten there yet. Fact three: I can speak more than one language! Am I going to tell you what they are? Hmm, perhaps not today. Four: I am proudly and openly pansexual and five: I live by myself. Ooh... it's starting to get hard from here. Fact number six... I can't draw to save my life? and seven, I can play the piano and dabble in guitar. I'm also learning the ukulele right now! Fact eight is that I used to play tennis competitively as a very small child of the age of six, never again, and nine... oh Lord, I kept a diary for a year when I was 10, it was the worst idea of my entire life, my mum found it and she read the whole thing! Finally, fact number ten is that I have an irrational love for plums, they're the holy king of fruits, but I think pomegranate comes in a close second._

_And that's ten facts from Bucky Barnes for the first day of the Podcast Challenge with T'Challa! Man, this is taking me back to my Secret Santa days back at high school! These were always the terrible kinds of clues we put into the lockers of our poor unsuspecting classmates. Like "I have a sister" and then you'd scramble to cross off everyone on your list that didn't have a sister to try and find out who your Santa was. I miss those days, you know. But we were talking about Halloween, weren't we? Alright, next caller. Who might you be?"_

_"Hello Bucky! My name is Capucine and I love Halloween just like you do! The whole..."_

~*~

Bucky finished the podcast and shook himself from head to toe. He had just been contacted by T'Challa. T'Challa! And for a Podcast Challenge, of all things. He took a few moments ponder why on earth such a famous podcast presenter would choose him of all people; his humble little Brooklyn podcast. He had agreed to the challenge, it sounded like fun, but this was a podcast legend who had a league of fans who even had their own name! They called themselves Panthers, much in the way that fans of Beyoncé fans referred to themselves as the Bey Hive, or how fans of Justin Bieber (those were beyond Bucky, he just couldn't comprehend) would call themselves Beliebers.

Truth be brought to light, Bucky would have liked his own fans to have a name, but what could one get from Bucky Barnes? There was no cool animal he was referenced to like T'Challa, and he was in no rush to acquire something as... peculiar(?) as Cumberbitches. It was possible that the Podcast Challenge would gain him enough of a following that someone might decide to create a name, especially now that he had released merchandise, but he decided he would leave it to them in the hopes that they would be able to come up with something better than him.

So long as his fans didn't up and start wandering the streets calling themselves Buckaroos. 

(There was a reason Bucky was going to leave fan-naming to the actual fans. "Buckaroo" was 100% that reason.)


	12. Ep. 12: Bucky Barnes Third Wheels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very Cherik interrogation. They just needed to make sure Bucky's husband material for Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe I'm three days away from school starting again! Well, good things don't last forever. You guys've given this 150 kudos and wow, I can't thank you enough! I look forward to continuing to make this a fic that you'll all enjoy.

_"Hi everyone! It's the 2nd of August, a little cloudy with a slight possibility of rain. It's day two of my Podcast Challenge against the esteemed T'Challa, also currently known as my number one enemy. I'm just kidding! T'Challa's amazing, and I hope we can make a friendship out of this challenge. So day two is uh... hang on a second let me get the page up. Day two is a game of FMK with five rounds! Great... well let's get started then!_

_Number one: the Jonas brothers! Oh uh, kill Kevin, definitely. And I'll... well I always had a thing for Joe but I don't wanna marry Nick. Oh sh- iitake mushrooms, good save, Bucky, have you sworn on this show before? I hope not. I just admitted live that I used to have a thing for Joe Jonas, and I feel like that needs an explanation. I have a little sister, okay? We watched Camp Rock together numerous times._

_Alright moving on, so FMK two: between your next door neighbour, your best friend and your coworker. I'm really close to my best friend so I think there wouldn't be anything weird if we did the deed? Then I'd marry my neighbour - y'all know who I'm talking about I swoon over his abs every morning to you guys - and I'd kill my coworker because he's an arse. Sorry bro._

_Question three! Round three. Whatever. The Golden Trio of Harry, Ron and Hermione! To be honest I'd kill Harry because he's like, the boy who lived, and wouldn't it be funny if he died? And then I'd marry Hermione because then she could teach me everything about the world and I think that'd be fun._

_Four is the new Star Wars trio! This is exciting, those kids were really cute. I would do Poe, let's be real. Oscar Isaac can come get me any day, guys. Just putting that out there. And I'd marry Finn because what a sweetie! Then I'd educate him on how to live as a human being which would be pretty funny and- oh crap! I wasn't thinking! I don't wanna kill Rey! ...Can I just marry all of them?_

_Okay, this is the last round guys and it's a pop star round. It's between Katy Perry, Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. I'd kill Miley, for sure. She betrayed my trust when I had so much faith in her and she became... that, and it broke my sister's heart so I could never marry her. Then I might marry Taylor Swift, you know? Which means I'd do it with Katy._

_And that's all for today's Podcast Challenge I hope you enjoyed listening to me try to keep it PG! Again, if I've ever sworn on Bucky Barnes Daily before I'm so sorry and I honestly didn't mean to! I'll try to make sure that no profanities make it onto the show henceforth. Now for what you're really all here for! Today's topic of discussion is PDA! Is it endearing or is it disgusting? I know a lot of us can't help it when you've got your one and only in your arms, but should public displays of affection be put to the down-low?_

_First caller, come say hello! Remember today we're talking about PDA and PDA only, no matter what gender or sexuality someone identifies as. If you're here to say you can't watch say... two boys, for instance, kiss then consider yourself disowned from the BBD family. So! How are you my dear and what's your name..."_

~*~

It was a slow-moving day for Bucky. After a morning of quite exhilarating discussion on the case of public displays of affection, with many stating that it made them uncomfortable no matter who was doing it while others argued that it was wonderful to see when two people were in love, the rest of the day seemed to pass by on the low side of average. 

He was just about ready to start on making dinner for himself when he heard a knock on his door.  _Peculiar,_ he thought.  _I'm not in trouble with Moira, am I? I'd hate to be kicked out now, and at seven at night as well. Would Nat let me crash at hers maybe?_

It turned out to be Charles and Erik, with suspicious glints in their eyes as they grinned at Bucky, or James, as they knew him as. 

"Lovely evening isn't it, James?" Charles waved. "We just overshot how much food we could eat today and we've ended up with a King's feast. Thought you might like to join us for dinner, considering we personally haven't given you the best welcome we could to the apartment as of yet."

Bucky paused, tilted his head, and considered the invitation. "I... I'd be honoured, if you're sure I won't be intruding." 

At that Erik took him by the elbow and practically ran up the stairs with Charles at his tail taking on two stairs at a time, as Bucky tried desperately not to get whiplash from being pulled along up the stairs so quickly. 

The dinner was delicious, a home-cooked meal that the engaged couple put their heads together to create in their own original recipe, but Bucky couldn't help but feel like as if he were third-wheeling, and third-wheeling  _hard_. The two kept sharing meaningful looks throughout their bites and they were holding hands over the table and now Charles was feeding Erik off his fork and sweet Jesus it was cute, yes, but need Bucky remind you of how painfully single he was? 

"Incredibly sorry," Charles spoke suddenly, startling Bucky. "When you find someone special it becomes awfully hard to tear yourself away from them, I'm sure you know. I mean, you and Steve..."

"Are not together," Bucky finished for the man, remembering that the both of them had mistaken them to be a couple.

"But you want to be, yes?" Erik asked him. 

Bucky hesitated momentarily, unsure how to continue, but eventually he nodded. 

"Well then if that's the case we must do an evaluation of you, James Buchanan. I mean, we're neighbours now! Not to mention we're also friends. We'd love to get to know you."

While Bucky would have agreed, what resulted was not a sharing of information between friends, but more or less an interrogation, wherein Bucky shifted around in his seat while answering a seemingly endless mountain of questions. 

At one point, Bucky couldn't stand it any more, and he just had to ask the one fateful question. 

"So he's not... straight?"

"Who Steve? Good heavens, no!" Charles burst out into raucous laughter that Bucky was sure the entire complex could hear, and he drew back. "Darling Steve had thought he was gay until he met Peggy! He's the exact opposite of the gay epiphany, he had a um- Erik, help me out here uh... a bi epiphany, if you will." 

"Also, you're exactly his type," Erik added, but something about his tone made him sound perpetually sarcastic, and it left Bucky unsure as to whether or not he should actually be trusting of the man's words. 

It seemed that with that the interrogation was done though, Charles and Erik convinced that James would make a splendid husband for Steve. 

"So anyway James, when we knocked on your door we couldn't help but notice the rather large microphone in your living area," Charles prodded, now out of curiosity more so than checking how suitable Bucky was as boyfriend material. 

"Oh, it's information I don't really like to share much but I host a podcast in the mornings."

"Charming," was Erik's input, while Charles excitedly sat forward in his seat with a "What's it called?"

"Bucky Barnes Daily, as per my name," he answered, forgetting that at this apartment his name was James Buchanan. He had a feeling his joke with Clint would have some repercussions at some point. 

"So who's Bucky Barnes?" Erik was the one to ask, and his voice had more of a tone of  _'what kind of a name is Bucky'_ rather than  _'why isn't it called James Buchanan Daily'_ but nonetheless James felt as if he should come clean to his new friends, since they were talking about it anyway.

"That would be me, James Buchanan Barnes. Nickname coming from the Buchanan, you see."

He tried to keep his voice steady, but he had to admit he was a little nervous. He did, after all, prefer to keep his podcasting self under wraps and in a separate life to his usual one. Sure Clint and Nat and Kitty called him Bucky but that was as his name, not in association to the podcast. And God did Bucky not want to know Steve's reaction when he found out his neighbour was an ab-swooning creep of a morning podcast presenter. 

Bucky could have sworn he heard Erik mumble something of an approval to the joke of displaying his name to the apartment as James Buchanan, but looking over at Charles', the man's blue eyes were glistening under the light. 

"That's so  _cool_!" he said, about 10 decibels louder than he had intended to. "We must listen to it, we'll support it in any way we can."

That was 1. not the reaction Bucky was expecting and 2. definitely not what he wanted  _Jesus take the wheel, why did you ever let me talk about Steve's abs on air if something like this was going to happen in the near future?!_

"Not necessary, I'd really rather you didn't," Bucky tried for a smile. 

"Nonsense James, we'd love to." 

 

Bucky needed to erase all previous episodes that included ab-swooning.  _Now._


	13. Ep. 13: Bucky Barnes Meets a Fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin. Kind of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all my readers for being so understanding about the situation at hand (upcoming school *cries*), Jeremy for continuously spurring me on, and Rianna for handling my screaming.
> 
> This chapter is kind of rocky because I wrote it with many intervals in between, but it should mostly be alright...?

_"Morning all! It's Bucky Barnes Daily. By now I'm sure you're all used to the Podcast Challenge, so let's get straight onto day four, shall we? Oh but before that, I do give out my sincerest apologies for yesterday's fiasco. The challenge was to sing a meaningful song to you and of course, Never Gonna Give You Up has great meaning to me on a deep emotional level, you must understand. It- it was... the l-last song m-m-my mother sang t-to me before she d-died and I'm just... kidding! I'm totally kidding, I'm just a massive troll._

_So challenge four is 5 things you need to get through the day, and that's pretty easy. Let's list them off:_

  1. _Coffee, definitely. Need that to start the day._
  2. _This podcast! It's become my life, and I love chatting with all of you._
  3. _My hot neighbour's abs. I know now you guys can't survive the day without me waxing poetic over them as well, don't lie._
  4. _Food! I really love my food, and apart from it being a literal necessity for everyone to stay alive, I need good food or I'm as good as dead._
  5. _My friends and family. I know it sounds sappy, but especially since I've moved apartments friends have become even more important. You know how it is, I need to make new ones and stay in touch with the old ones, and I've always got weekly Skype chats with the fam. What can I say, I'm a sweet guy. A great catch, Oscar Isaac, I'm looking at you please date me._



_Wow! Uh... someone sounds really desperate. That wasn't me. Bucky Barnes would never stoop so low as to try and freakishly fling himself at a great actor._

_So on more important news, wow guys, my t-shirts are already sold out! If you're from around here they should already be with you, but if not, they're all shipped out and ready to reach you. If you didn't get one, don't panic, I'll be stocking up again soon, but also, whatever merchandise it is that you've bought, be sure to take a picture of it with you so that I can take a look!_

_I've gotta say I didn't think of a topic to talk about today, I've been a little slack. But maybe I'll take a few calls and we'll just have a casual conversation, or the first caller can decide on a topic today..."_

~*~

Bucky slung his bag over his shoulder and picked up his keys, ready for a day of work. Just as he pulled the keys out of his door, 4A opened revealing Steve, who was... 

Oh  _God._

Sweet Jesus.

Shit on a corndog. 

Bloody McPattie. 

_What the balooga dooga!?_

"Hey, Steve!" Bucky's voice was abnormally high. "Where'd you uh... where'd you get that t-shirt from?" 

Steve looked down at what he was wearing, a small blush painting itself across his cheeks as he fidgeted with the hem of his new shirt. 

"It's just this podcast I like. I've been listening to it since it started and the podcaster just started selling merchandise, so."

Bucky hated that word.  _Podcaster._ It sounded so fake! Not to mention "podcast presenter" sounded much classier. But he wasn't even in the mindset to give Steve a piece of his mind about that, because right then and there he was given another incentive (asides from Charles insisting that he would listen to Bucky's podcast) to stop weeping over Steve's abs through the window every morning. 

 _Steve Goddamn Rogers listens to my podcast. Is a_ fan  _of my podcast._

"Oh, fiddlesticks! Would you just look at the time. I'd better dash to work!" Bucky exclaimed, voice still squeaky high, his right arm moving with his right leg as it stepped forward. 

"Hey James, wait! You know Slip-Slop Joe's, you wouldn't mind having afternoon tea there or something, would you? I've been craving their curly fries ever since you brought them over for me back when you first came here, and all that," Steve blurted out to the waddling brunet who was trying to get down the stairs. 

"I'll see you then!" Bucky shouted, before promptly missing a step, stumbling down five, and dashing the rest of the way out of the apartment, just narrowly missing a dislocated knee.

~*~

James Buchanan Barnes, it would seem, had gotten himself into quite the disaster. So much of a disaster, that he had resorted to Natasha of all people to cry about it. Was it a good idea? Probably not, considering the red-head would surely stash the information away for a later date to blackmail him, and perhaps contacting Kitty would have been the better thing to do since she was always invested in his love life but... too late.  

> _**Nat Nat the Cool Cat:** OMFG you have got to be kidding me_
> 
> _**Nat Nat the Cool Cat:** Jamesy darling you are more beautiful than you could ever know_
> 
> _**J-Bby:** Nat stfu before I stab you _
> 
> _**Nat Nat the Cool Cat:** I'd like to see you try, J-Bby _
> 
> _**J-Bby:** Please tell me that's not still my contact name I refuse to be your friend if you call me "Jay-Baby" one more time _
> 
> _**Nat Nat the Cool Cat:** Stop trying to change the subject we have a Steve situation on our hands _

And oh, if Bucky didn't have regret written all over his face. He had just singlehandedly given himself a life of hell. All of those life choices leading to this moment; becoming friends with Nat, starting a podcast, moving apartments, everything. Just absolutely everything he regretted. 

All too soon it was time to go to Slip-Slop Joe's to meet Steve, and Bucky found himself dreading the meeting - his blood turned cold. 

> _**J-Bby:** I can't do this_
> 
> _****Nat Nat the Cool Cat:**** Of course you can the kid's already in love with your podcast_
> 
> _**J-Bby:** That's not reassuring Nat I've been drooling over his abs every morning on said podcast_
> 
> _****Nat Nat the Cool Cat:**** That's a great conversation starter for you then_
> 
> _****Nat Nat the Cool Cat:**** Now stop talking to me and go before I drag you to Joe's myself_

Steve was already sitting at a booth when Bucky arrived, the t-shirt still on his back and looking very good. (Not that Bucky noticed.) When he reached the table he slid into the booth opposite Steve, but he didn't overlook Scott's signature messy brown hair peaking out the top of the next booth, right behind Steve. 

"Hi Stevie, hope you weren't waiting long," he greeted the blond. 

"Oh no, not at all. Angie got off shift just as I came in so we talked for a little while and that's about it." 

Bucky wasn't sure if that was meant to be comforting; it made it sound like Steve had been waiting for a very long time, but he nudged the man with a smile and then pointed his chin to the booth behind him. 

"Scott's there if you wanna say hi," he suggested. 

Honestly at that point it was anything to get Bucky's mind off the fact that Steve was a fan of his podcast, was wearing merchandise from his podcast, and was blissfully unaware that the James Buchanan that sat before him was Bucky Barnes from the numerously mentioned podcast.

The two turned the corner to the next booth to find Scott with his daughter Cassie, perched with a monumental stack of picture books beside her, and reading one out loud to her father as Bucky and Steve approached. 

"Hey that's," Steve started to say, just as Bucky's eyes zeroed in on the cover and he yelped, "Did you illustrate that?" 

He had one hand over his mouth and his eyes were comically wide, gaping between the book in Cassie's hands to Steve's steadily reddening face. 

"No way! Are you Steven G. Rogers? My daughter's the biggest fan!" Scott practically yelled over his grilled cheese that unceremoniously found itself splattered on the diner's grimy table as it flew out of his mouth. 

"That would... be me?" Steve gave a tentative answer, in a bit of a shock. 

What resulted was more gaping jaws on James and Scott's parts, a squealing Cassie who jumped up and down and demanded all of her picture books to be signed, and a flustered, bewildered Steve whose hand was honest-to-God aching by the time he had finished signing every single one of the little girl's picture books with small personalised messages. 

He hadn't realised how many books he'd illustrated until then.

"I'll let you in a little secret," he whispered to his little fan. "Look out for the author Maria Hill in the near future, and you'll find more of my work." 

He figured it wouldn't hurt to start promoting for his clients.

"And if you're a good girl, Cassie, I pinkie promise you I will give you a signed free copy of a new secret series I'm going to be illustrating," Steve held out his hand, sure that Tony would be more than happy to let him take another copy to give to the girl. If not, well, he supposed he'd have to buy it off Tony himself. 

Bucky positively swooned at the sight before him. Would Steve Rogers just stop becoming a better person every single time Bucky came face-to-face with him? Please and thank you, love from a concerned below-average citizen named James Buchanan Barnes. 

(Read: He couldn't feel any more inadequate in front of the pure specimen that was his next door neighbour.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I rick-rolled my readers. Again. Raveen swoop in and kill me now please.


	14. Ep. 14: Bucky Barnes Meets Liquid Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Felix Felicis of the human kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are all so kind and understanding and I can't thank you enough! Have another chapter :3 I've been hella busy today so it's not proofread, so I'm sorry for any glaring mistakes that will be fixed up later.

_"Hey guys! It is the... 13th of August! We have a top of 85 and a low of 74 today, but it's set to be pretty humid, so it's time for suffering! As we're all used to now, it's another day of the Podcast Challenge, and today's challenge is to put your iPod on shuffle and list the first ten songs that come out no matter what! I get the terrible feeling this is going to end in tears. Either from me, who forgot to delete an exceedingly embarrassing song, or from you, who will mourn my music taste for the rest of your life._ _Uh, just let me grab my phone and we can start this challenge off._

_First up is, drum roll please, Ziggy Stardust, David Bowie bless his soul._

_Next, Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones, and Revolution by The Beatles._

_That's three, right? Okay guys we've got seven more to go, I hope you're not crying by the end of this._

_Uh, Yesterday! Well this is officially making me look like Beatles trash._

_Five is Lone Digger by Caravan Palace. Look, there's something newer. I can keep up with the times if I try._

_Next we have Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off! Jesus, I didn't realise how much of a mouthful that song title was until now. No offence, Brendon Urie._

_Okay count down with me now guys, seven: Bei Mir Bist Du Shein by The Andrews Sisters, don't judge me it's good._

_Eight: Bohemian Rhapsody, no explanation needed._

_Nine: I and Love and You by The Avett Brothers and ten: Comfortably Numb!_

_Praise the Lord, that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was so afraid I'd accidentally show you something like Bring Me To Life and I'd lose all of my faithful listeners in one go! Well there we have it guys, day 13 of the Podcast Challenge._

_So today you'll be happy to know I restocked the BBD merchandise, so t-shirts are once again available, as are coffee mugs and whatever else it is I'm selling. I've forgotten. There are more colours this time too, so y'know, if you really liked them, you could buy more and support the Fill Bucky's Fridge fund._

_And on that note, today's topic is charities! Which ones should you trust and which ones are scamming you for their own gain? This is Charities: Uncovered, by Bucky Barnes from Bucky Barnes Daily._

_Sorry, sorry. I just really wanted to do that movie trailer voice once in my life..."_

~*~

Today was the day.

" _The_ day?" you say? 

Why yes, allow Bucky to elaborate. Today, he was going to ask Steve Rogers out on a date. 

"Why now?" you ask?

Because if not now, when? If not Bucky, who?

Or in other words, Bucky was starting to get sick of ab-swooning through the window, and would rather ab-swoon while the man was sitting beside him on the sofa, or while he was cooking in the kitchen, or doing anything, really. 

But first, Bucky reached into his fridge, he would need just a drink of beer to help him get the words out of his mouth. A comfortable buzz, so to speak. And after having quoted Emma Watson so beautifully in his mind, he decided to flick on Harry Potter in an effort to wash himself with nostalgia to rid him of his nerves. 

What it did for him was rather the opposite; it highlighted how childish he was being, postponing - no,  _procrastinating_ \- asking a boy out just because he was nervous. Not to mention he was crushing on Steve in much the way that Becca had fawned over One Direction all those years ago. That was apparently a phase she wholly regretted, but that wasn't something his mind wanted to focus on at the given moment. 

With a beer in his left hand and the remote controller in his right, Bucky sank into his couch to watch the first Harry Potter movie before he would pop over to Steve's and casually ask him out on a date. 

The only problem with that though, was that he had started the movie at 11:30, and it was now past 6:00 at night, he was well into Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, he was past "comfortably buzzed" and had breached "wildly inebriated" territory (he wasn't certain when that had happened, he was sure he had only drunk two bottles of beer), and finally concluded, that it would be foolish to ask Steve Rogers and his chiseled abs out while drunk. 

It was a wise decision accompanied by Hermione Granger punching Draco Malfoy straight in the face, and Bucky chuckled to himself, imagining the disaster that would happen if he had gone to Steve's drunk. 

He could just imagine it - being right out rejected and being told "James, you're drunk. We'll talk later, alright?" 

When Bucky had reached the Goblet of Fire (his personal favourite, he loved having a good laugh at the terrible shoulder-length hair that was "in style" at the time, although he erased from his mind that he, also, had said terrible hairstyle in 2005), he decided it would be wonderful to invite Natasha and Clint over for a proper movie night. Bucky could only thank himself for not having told either of them that he had planned on asking Steve out today, or surely they would have dragged him to Steve's door for themselves, or even worse, Nat would have asked the blond out on his behalf. 

The two reached his apartment in record time, more booze by their sides, and Clint with his spectacularly nerdy reading glasses that he chose specifically because they made him look like Harry Potter. 

"Kids, come on in!" Bucky slurred to his friends. 

They plopped themselves onto his sofa in an unceremonious fashion that had all three of them bouncing for a good five seconds, before Bucky pressed play, his legs dangling over Clint's lap, and Nat with her legs hooked half over Clint's shoulders and half over the back of the couch. 

Everything would be alright, and Bucky would just ask Steve out tomorrow.

...Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Bucky's iPod shuffle was:
> 
>   1. Ziggy Stardust // David Bowie
>   2. Gimme Shelter // The Rolling Stones
>   3. Revolution // The Beatles
>   4. Yesterday // The Beatles
>   5. Lone Digger // Caravan Palace
>   6. Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off // Panic! At the Disco
>   7. Bei Mir Bist Du Shein // The Andrews Sisters
>   8. Bohemian Rhapsody // Queen
>   9. I and Love and You // The Avett Brothers
>   10. Comfortably Numb // Pink Floyd
> 

> 
> I get the terrible feeling that this chapter was extremely poorly-written...


	15. Ep. 15: Bucky Barnes Meets Peggy Carter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively titled: Bucky Barnes is Chicken Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have reached the final instalment of Bucky Barnes Daily for a little while! I have tried to make this chapter as... fulfilling(?) as possible for our farewell. Fear not, lovely readers, I shall be back for my precious little gum drops in no time at all!

_"Morning all! Tis but a Sunday, the 14th of August, which means it's my old childhood dog's birthday! His name was James, much like every other male in the Goddamned Barnes family, he was the cutest little Staffordshire Terrier, and I wish he was still alive today so you could all see him. Got him when I was six though, and nothing that prosperous could really happen. A staffy on average lives twelve to fourteen years, and James lived to a wonderful thirteen and a half, so I ain't complaining._

_Anyway! It's time for your daily dose of the Podcast Challenge, and today is a game of would you rather! Uhh, scanning through, over half of these look disgusting and I don't want to end up puking live on air, so I'll post my answers on twitter, that's @buckybdaily, and we'll move straight onto today's topic of discussion. Segueing from charities and now that I've been reminded of my dog James, today I thought I'd want to talk about the menace to society that is PETA._

_Now I'm sure you all know of their ridiculous ad campaigns, and yes, animal cruelty is terrible but Oh my_ God  _I can't believe PETA. So, before I get really angry and throw my microphone across the room, let's take some calls, shall we? Then we can get angry together and be..."_

~*~

After having a had a late night, Charles awoke to the sound of someone asking to be let into the apartment complex. Dragging himself out from underneath Erik's heavy arm, he soon found himself buzzing an old friend up to his apartment.

"Peggy!" he greeted the woman with a warm smile at his door. "It's been a long time. Steve told me you would be back soon."

"Yes, well," the brunet huffed. "All because somebody can't keep her mouth shut."

Peggy gave the blonde behind her a pointed glare and stepped into Charles' apartment.

 

Charles and Peggy sipped on tea, as any good Englishmen would, while Angie and Erik looked on in disgust, coffees in their mugs as polar opposites to their lovers, chatting away in a circle about Peggy and Angie's return to America, their marriage, how life had been in England. 

The two had come to visit the complex absurdly early, the sun finally spilling in through the windows at 8:30 in the morning, empty mugs casting shadows on the dining room table where the four sat. 

"Well we must tell you we came here for a reason," Peggy said, taking Angie's hand in hers. "It's rather... shocking, if you're not prepared, so suck in your deep breaths now before you faint."

Charles did as he was told, while Erik simply raised one eyebrow, and Peggy looked to her wife before she let out the words.

"We're getting married a second time here this afternoon and you're invited to our wedding." 

~*~

Steve couldn't believe it. He had slept through this morning's Bucky Barnes Daily podcast, and to make matters worse, it was now 9 o'clock, he hadn't been for his morning run, and he was still (yes still) sleepy. It had to be a world record of sorts, Steve hadn't missed a single morning of running or Bucky's podcast since forever, the only exceptions being when he was too sick to function as a normal human being. 

And now, with the sinking suspicion that he had singlehandedly ruined the entire day for himself, Steve got dressed. 

What he wasn't expecting was a knock on his door as he pulled on his shirt; four resounding raps that sounded nothing like the people who usually came knocking at his door. If anything, it reminded him of when Peggy used to come by and-

Hadn't Angie said something about Peggy being back in New York soon?

"Peg?" he answered the door, opening it ever so slowly. 

"Steve," the voice replied, soft, confirming that it was in fact Peggy Carter on the other side of his door. 

"I'm so angry at you. I'm so, so angry," he whispered into her hair when they met in a tight embrace, and Peggy allowed herself a wet chuckle into Steve's shoulder.

"You can blame Angie on that one, we have a lot of explaining to do." 

Angie looked to the side and mumbled something incomprehensible, although the words "English, and God" were heard. 

Peggy set straight to explaining the moment she sat down, pulling Angie half onto her lap. 

"Look Steve, we know you're hurt, and there were so many better ways we could have done this, but right now, I really don't regret how things have turned out," she began. "We didn't tell anybody what we were doing. You know my parents aren't alive anymore, and I haven't really been keeping in touch with much of my family, and being in England it seemed rather rude to be calling all of Angie's family and all of our friends from America just for a wedding. So we eloped, I suppose, and it was all very well and lovely, but we didn't have our friends there, and," 

"English is a sap, isn't she?" Angie interrupted with a giggle, poking at her wife's cheek. "We were going to wait until we came back to the US of A, but Peggy here got a job promotion that she just  _had_ to see through before she came back, stupid workaholic, so that's that and we're sorry you weren't at our wedding but no one was, so you ought not to look so down."

Steve hung his head for the majority of the time they were speaking, more ashamed than anything else. He'd always thought of himself to be rather level-headed, but now that he had gone ahead and done something stupid like this, Steve wasn't sure he could lift his head up to look Peggy or Angie in the eye now. 

They bid their farewells not long after, but Angie came racing back up to collect her purse that she had "stupidly forgotten", the words being put into inverted commas because the cheeky little girl had done it on purpose just to get a moment with Steve. 

"We're having a surprise welcome back party for Peggy tonight, so dress kinda nice. And bring that hot brunet from the diner too." 

With that Angie left, leaving a wink in her wake. 

~*~

Once again, inviting James wasn't much of a hard feat. Along side the free food, he seemed excited to meet Peggy, although Steve couldn't understand why after he had painted her as such a demon in front of James. Nevertheless, the two suited up and headed down to the venue Angie had written down for him to find a bustling crowd that included many of his own friends - Sam, for one, and Tony and his massive gang, and Sharon was even back in town for the event. 

He couldn't, however, find Peggy anywhere as he looked around, but he held his doubts down and sat down at a table like everyone else, James right by his side. 

What happened next was covered in tears to the point that Steve couldn't tell if anything was real anymore; not the sight of Peggy dressed all in white walking through the tables, not the once-again-wed couple's vows, or the exchange of rings or the kiss. With James' arm around him the entire time Steve sat and wept, the biggest grin plastered to his face. 

Once the partying had begun he excused himself to the bathroom to wash off the tears, in which time Peggy made it over to James for a small chat. 

"I'm Peggy, and you must be James," she held out a hand. "I must say I haven't heard much since Steve and I lost contact with our busy lives, but I had heard you were quite the handsome man from Angie."

Bucky laughed, a big hearty one, and he shook the bride's hand. 

"I'm nothing but the new neighbour in town," he chuckled back. 

They spoke for a short while, before continuing on to exchange pleasantries with others, until Bucky reached Sharon Carter, the blonde he had so often heard about as the old inhabitant of apartment 4B, and to whom he would forever be grateful to, considering Moira's apartment complex was swimmingly divine in comparison to the trash can he used to call home. 

"You must be the old 4B," he gave the woman a smile.

"James Buchanan? I've heard you make a better 4B than I do. Rumour has it that way, anyway. You have the entire complex gushing over you." 

Bucky tilted his head. He hadn't a clue what she was talking about.

"Not to mention you finally got Cockburn out," Sharon added. "Or what was his real name? Brock?"

From across the room Peggy caught Steve's arm and held him in another suffocating hug, almost as tight as the one from early that morning. When they released each other, Steve looked over in the direction he was originally heading in to find James surrounded by a crowd of people, each of them in stitches around his charming neighbour.

"You honestly found yourself a great catch, Steve," Peggy said off-handedly. "He seems wonderful, I was just talking to him before. And he's quite the entertainer too."

She seemed to not notice how the man froze in his place, and continued to speak kind words about the brunet that had recently moved into apartment 4B. When she finally took a look at Steve's face, she stopped, glanced over at Angie with a puzzled look, then put down her glass. 

"Don't tell me I'm reading things wrong, I thought I saw it plain as day."

Steve only shot her a small smile that seemed to say 'sorry', and shrugged. 

"But Angie told me you went on a date to Joe's while she was on shift! And throughout the wedding you two seemed so-"

"It's not like that, Peg," Steve sighed, facial expression dropping in time with his drooping shoulders. "I wish, but it's not."

Peggy could do nothing but give a comforting pat to Steve's shoulder, leaving a calming silence between the two and the warmth of her arm around the kicked puppy of a blond until she was called away to the dance floor. 

Bucky eventually managed to break away from the crowd around him to find Steve sitting gloomily at a table and went to sit by him, nudging the blond with his shoulder. Yesterday he had promised himself he would ask Steve out tomorrow, which was today (wasn't Bucky good at maths?), but looking at Steve now, it obviously seemed like the wrong time, and Bucky hated to disappoint Shia LaBeouf, but it just wasn't happening.

He stood up, held out his hand, and gave out his most charming smile to his neighbour in an effort to wipe away the sad look on his face.

"Come on Stevie, dance with me."

* * *

 

14 August 2016, 7:59  
  
**Bucky Barnes**  @buckybdaily  
_Finger-sized nipples_ or Nipple-sized fingers? #T'ChallaVsBuckyPodcastChallenge

 

14 August 2016, 8:00  
  
**Bucky Barnes**  @buckybdaily  
Have a one minute conversation with your _past self_ or future self? #T'ChallaVsBuckyPodcastChallenge

 

14 August 2016, 8:02  
  
**Bucky Barnes**  @buckybdaily  
_Wear someone's used underwear_ or use their toothbrush? #T'ChallaVsBuckyPodcastChallenge

 

14 August 2016, 8:03  
  
**Bucky Barnes**  @buckybdaily  
_Be just friends with someone you love_ or marry someone you hate? #T'ChallaVsBuckyPodcastChallenge

 

14 August 2016, 8:05  
  
**Bucky Barnes**  @buckybdaily  
Crap yourself once a year in public or _every day in private_? #T'ChallaVsBuckyPodcastChallenge

 

14 August 2016, 8:08  
  
**Bucky Barnes**  @buckybdaily  
_Pee every time you stand up_ or poop every time you sit down? #T'ChallaVsBuckyPodcastChallenge

 

14 August 2016, 8:09  
  
**Bucky Barnes**  @buckybdaily  
_Be eaten by maggots from the inside out_ or ants from the outside in? #T'ChallaVsBuckyPodcastChallenge

 

14 August 2016, 8:10  
  
**Bucky Barnes**  @buckybdaily  
I'm officially crying and I hate all of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys, this chapter wasn't as great as I had intended it to be. I guess it's the school jitters! Come talk to me any time at [wintersolqiers](http://wintersolqiers.tumblr.com/), and I'll see you mid-September!


	16. Ep. 16: Bucky Barnes Cries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Bones was not a strong man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, so I promised myself I wouldn't do this but I just really needed a reliever from exam block and yes, maybe this chapter is shite and uninspired and this time would be better spent doing my music assignment or studying for 21 or maths, but I needed it, so consider this a filler while I grieve over my OP 25 because let's face it kids, my academic life is done for.

_"Hi guys, I'm Ja- I'm John? This is John Bones, and you're listening to the- wait. Let me get some caffeine in this body hold up._

_So! This is Bucky Barnes, and you've tuned into Bucky Barnes Daily on this dreary morning, but I'm about to cheer your day right up with today's Podcast Challenge, which is construct a persuasive argument based on the last text someone sent you! Clearly, we're in for something happy._

_The last text someone sent me was "to quote_ Hamlet _Act III, Scene III, Line 87: No" and I feel like at current this has the utmost significance to me. I mean, in this day and age, people of quiet nature are finding it increasingly hard to be able to say no. It's gotten to the point that sometimes even boisterous people say it, just to acquiesce people. I ask you, when will this injustice end? People have the right to say no, Goddamn it, just stand up like Nat did in this text and say "No", loud, clear and strong. Let yourself be heard! We will not stand for this trampling of the peaceful at heart; we will conquer!_

_...Anyway, moving on. I feel like starting this podcast was the worst decision of my life, I've depleted all sources of self-dignity and just- you know what? I'm just going to take in the calls and let you guys do all the talking because it's really not happening today._

_Dulcet tones of our first caller, do give us your name!"_

~*~

As could have easily been derived from the sleep-addled state that Bucky had been in all morning, it was a slow-moving day, and one that had Bucky constantly tripping over his words - the perfect thing to be when one was a podcast presenter. It being a Saturday, Bucky simply burrowed right back into his bed, clutched tightly around his pillow and both layers of the curtain shut to the point that no one could tell if it was morning or night. 

There was no denying it had been an exhausting week, not after the grilling Fury had given him for no reason at all. Perhaps he shouldn't have been complaining, but staying back until 7 at night to the point that he was dancing around cleaners as he ran around the office? 

Bucky would like to say no thanks. 

So, without any regrets, he decided to take a guilt-free day off of sleeping, eating, and sleeping. 

~*~

Bucky woke up with a start and no concept of time.

His phone was buzzing off of his bedside table, and it took all of his strength to catch it before it fell to the ground. 

 

_11:48pm._

 

"Barnes, I need you here right now." 

Something wasn't right. 

"It's Clint. He's in the hospital I-"

Bucky raced out of the house, pyjama bottoms be damned, and barely had shoes on his feet before he was running down the street like some kind of madman. It was almost like as if he could feel his hypothalamus screaming out for his adrenaline to start pumping and God, were those tears he felt prickling at the corner of his eyes? 

What happened to the guilt-free day off?

What happened to just sleeping and eating all day?

Why did he ever think it was okay to-

Enough with the rhetorical questions. He wasn't building a persuasive argument anymore. 

~*~

"Nat? Nat. What's going on? Natalia, talk to me, what is it?" 

His voice was sharp, urgent, nudging her in the ribs. 

"I don't know, he's knocked out right now, fell straight off the third floor of a building. The idiot probably thought he could fly."

Her response was bitter, drowned in anger and dipped in worry, dripping down the sides. 

~*~

"You bastard! You literally made me cry last night! This morning! What even is time, I don't know - don't get me off topic you piece of shit I can't believe we were worried for you, Christ above!"

"It was just a failed parkour stunt I don't know why you guys are so worked up, really, just take a deep breath-"

"Well I'm sorry we couldn't tell it was 'just a failed parkour stunt' while you were unconscious, arsehole!"

Bucky sucked in a deep breath, then let it out slowly, right in Clint's face.

"Garlic pizza breath. If you weren't unconscious you could've had some with us too, but bad luck," he muttered, sliding off the bed. 

~*~

Natasha blinked slowly, trying to get the crick out of her neck from having fallen asleep over the hospital waiting chairs, her head lifting off the arm rest that used to hold Bucky's arm when she had let herself drift off. 

She reached for the sludge the hospital tried to call coffee, before spitting it out into the bin and stalking straight into Clint's ward before slapping him upside the head, huffing, then marching back out to get herself some breakfast. 

With his broken collarbone and fractured arm, Clint sighed after his girlfriend. 

"What a way to start the week!" he gave Bucky a bright smile. 

"Ya think, buttnugget? One more word out of you and you'll be unconscious forever this time." 

"Aye aye, Captain Barnes," Clint rolled his eyes. "Sheesh, you screw up one time..."

Bucky shot him a look.

"Six... Eighteen... times?"

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell how much of this chapter was influenced by my exams there's like three subjects worth of stuff in here it's unreal


	17. Ep. 17: Bucky Barnes Rants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moral of the story: VACCINATE YOUR G O D D A M N KIDS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this is unbeta'd! And not proofread because I'm a lazy shit! It's also... not so great. But I have higher hopes for the next chapter so... I guess I'll make it up to you?

_"Everybody welcome back to Bucky Barnes Daily! Today is the 24th of August and you'll find that it is currently 72 degrees and you might feel like death when we get up to a high of 88 degrees! Not to worry though, we have a low of 68 that will hopefully be of solace to you. Today is the 24th day of my podcast challenge with T'Challa, and we have the rant generator right here on my laptop ready to kick off for today's challenge. We don't have too many days of this challenge left, and it's been really fun, so I just want to say thank you to T'Challa, but also you guys should all take one for the team and crown me as the winner of our August challenge. Just saying, you know._

_So we're all ready with the rant generator and my topic this morning is... anti-vaccine! Oh God, don't get me_ started  _on this one. We'll be here all morning!_

 _Look, I don't mean to say that people who believe vaccines cause autism are stupid, but shit on a disco stick they're so_ stupid _! First of all, what kind of an argument is "but my child hasn't gotten sick!" because you want to know why they haven't gotten sick? It's because everyone else has had the vaccine, but you-_ you  _are the reason that diseases that haven't been heard of in centuries will resurface, and all because what, you don't want your child to have autism? Since when is autism more terrible than causing an epidemic of smallpox after 3000 years? Since when is autism_ terrible _? Jesus fu- I'm live on air. I'm live on air I can't swear._

_Anyway! Back on topic, anti-vaccine... oh no. I said shit on a disco stick earlier, didn't I. God, I'm so sorry guys. I'm just- I'm real angry, alright? Cut me some slack. I promise I won't swear again in this rant? So basically, the basis of vaccines causing autisms arose when some idiot, I'm not naming names, decided that he'd get some scientists to fake the results of some experiments to scare..."_

~*~

Bucky huffed a sigh, glaring at himself in the rear view mirror. He was trying so hard to not let the morning's rant get to him, but he couldn't shake the anger that lit up his nerves as he muttered furiously to himself, hands tapping at his steering wheel. 

He took a few moments to recollect himself, sitting in the parking lot in front of his work then shook his head, stepping out of his car. 

Unfortunately for him, the fury hung over his head like a dark cloud the entire morning (Heh, Fury. He better not say that in front of his boss), and even into lunch, when he sat down at the table and practically threw his lunch down, the tuna making a heart-wrenching squelch. 

Jubilee looked up, pouting at the angry man before her, and reached over to give Bucky a pat on the head. 

 _The audacity of interns, I swear to God_ , he thought.

Ororo marched into the lunch room then, paint splattered all down her sides, and a matching facial expression to the man who was glaring at his tuna sandwich. 

Jubilee patted her fellow intern on the head too, before going back to chewing on her pasta while studying the brooding brunet. 

"Don't tell me this is about your anti-vaccine rant," she sighed with a roll of her eyes, causing Bucky's head to snap up. 

Damn that child, he'd forgotten she listened in on his podcast every now and again. 

"Of course it's about my anti-vaccine rant! I can't tell you how great it is that Fury doesn't let anyone anti-vaccine near this place. Did I ever tell you about the mum who used to live the floor below me in my old apartment? That bat s-h-i-t crazy lady was absolutely off her rocker! I am not equipped to deal with this! I have never been equipped to deal with this!" 

Meanwhile, Ororo had been unwrapping Bucky's sandwich while he was speaking, and promptly shoved it into his mouth as he tried to continue on with his rant, a dark look in her eyes. 

"Don't attract Fury over with your incessant whining," she grumbled.

"It's not incessant whining, it's necessary rage," replied Bucky with a snap, although it was more of a soggy tuna garble. 

Jubilee and Ororo shook their heads in unison, and Bucky returned to his sandwich without another word, wondering why on earth he had decided to purchase canned tuna on his last grocery trip when he knew all it was going to do was give him sopping bread and bad breath. 

"So," Ororo drawled some time later, when the food was gone and it was almost time to get back to work. 

"So," Jubilee smirked, obviously prodding at Bucky on the same train of thought as Ororo. 

"So?" Bucky said, chair slowly dragging out from underneath the table in an attempt at escaping whatever was coming next. 

"So who's hot abs guy?" Ororo put a hand on the back of Bucky's chair. 

_Shit._

"Who  _is_ hot abs guy? Are you guys drooling over one of the parents? You know that's really inappropriate."

His attempt at deflecting was weak, but he was willing to give it a shot, considering they were mere minutes away from the end of break, and if he could just wean them off the topic until then, and then dash home straight after work, he could dodge the questions until tomorrow, when they would hopefully forget they had ever asked. 

Jubilee pouted, "Come on,  _Buggy_."

"You didn't really think you were off the hook, did you? You knew this was coming. Come on, you knew this was coming the moment you told us you had a podcast."

If Bucky wouldn't get in trouble by Fury for murdering the two interns, he would have gone ahead and picked up the butter knife by now, but alas, life was not so kind to him as to allow him such an option. 

He faceplanted straight onto the tabletop, never mind the dirty cling wrap that held the remains of his sandwich, and groaned. 

"He's just my neighbour. You happy now?" 

"Oh, very," he got in reply.

In unison, mind you, it was quite the scary spectacle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all know if I actually typed out the anti-vaccine rant this chapter would've been like, 6k words on its own...
> 
> I will give someone a special present if they are able to guess Bucky's occupation from the very subtle clues! And no, Sayward, this does not include you because you already have a present. Sorry?


	18. Ep. 18: Bucky Barnes and the Shopping Trolley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky officially felt like the (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) emoji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry there hasn't been any Steve lately! Truth be told, he's not going to be making much of an appearance until at least chapter 22. As far as I have planned, anyway. Just bear with the self-indulgence for a wee bit longer and hot abs will be back! Thanks as always for reading, all of you who click on this story are greatly appreciated!

_"So we're reaching the end of August, and it's Saturday the 27th, in case you haven't checked the calendar yet. Today's podcast challenge is to cook something, and I don't have any food left in the house because I forgot to plan ahead, so we're just going to go on with our normal podcast schedule and tonight I'll be uploading photos of the fabulous meal I'll have made. You can find me at @buckybdaily on twitter and instagram, so be sure to check it out and give me a nice little thumbs up in support of me for this challenge. I think T'Challa mentioned the winner would be decided on the first Saturday of September, so get those likes in soon!_

_I'll also be putting up a poll on twitter so you guys can vote for what meal I make tonight, so everyone whip your phones out at the ready! While I'm getting that set up, how about we get a few calls in and we can just have a lovely morning chat. First caller, you're on air..."_

~*~

Bucky strolled into the grocery store at a leisurely pace, swinging his empty eco bags on his arm like a small child, carefree of smacking people in the face with the flying canvas. For a Saturday afternoon the place was fairly empty, and Bucky found himself surrounded mostly by kids begging their parents for candy with their big puppy dog eyes. 

He dragged a shopping trolley out of the clustered mess in the corner and set to filling up the trolley with all the ingredients for a chicken cacciatore, as was requested by the people of twitter. He stumbled numerous times, having grabbed a trolley with a dodgy wheel, but seeing as he'd already gotten half his ingredients, he struggled on through the store. 

It wasn't a smart choice, considering he knocked down the honeycrisp apple display  _while_ a worker was restocking it (but at least he didn't knock down the pink ladies), then ran straight into the peanut butter shelf, then rammed his cart with a ferocious velocity right into a girl's butt. 

...Who then went face first into the grapes and in the process revealed herself as Kitty Pryde. 

( _Figures._ )

From behind them came an indignant squeal, and they both turned around to find a woman hopping around on one foot. 

"Oh, what are you going to do?" she screamed. "They're ruined beyond repair! These are limited edition Stuart Weitzman's, and you've just- you've just  _destroyed_ them into worthless atrocities! Can you repay me for these shoes? I think not! Do you understand how  _expensive_ these were? Ugh, they're going to absolutely  _stench_ of grapes for weeks! And they're not even nice ones like ruby romans, no, they're muscats!"

The outraged voice continued. 

"These darlings were over 1 million dollars! Do you have that kind of money? Oh, I'll have to throw these away now!" 

Bucky simply tilted his head, the shrieking drowning out in his mind, and looked down at the left shoe that had one measly little grape squashed to the bottom of it, then to the heel of her stiletto, where a poor grape had been speared. 

"This is exactly why I can't be around commoners! Where is the manager around here? Somebody call upon the manager for me! You, yes you young boy in the ghastly green polo, bring me the manager. And you! Scraggly vagabond man and apprehensible teenager! Get out your wallets." 

 _Does this woman have an internal thesaurus she doesn't know how to use?_ Bucky tried to send via eye message to Kitty, and scrambled to help her up and reach for his wallet at the same time. 

Then, at the tap on his wrist he knew to be in morse code (and thank the lord they had spent an entire month together once learning it because they were bored), they grabbed for Bucky's trolley and ran away to the furthest cashier out of sight of the woman, and were out of the shopping centre before the woman could scream for the manager one more time. 

Kitty dashed to her apartment, Bucky right on her heel, the two only slowing down once they were inside the complex. 

Bucky officially felt like the **(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)**  emoji, without a clue of what was going on around him, or why such a woman with 1 million dollar stilettos would even consider strolling through the grocery store of his neighbourhood. 

Kitty on the other felt like this, **(ʘ‿ʘ)** , otherwise known as dead inside but trying to hide it. 

"Honestly, where do arseholes like that even  _come_ from?" she said between sharp intakes of air. 

"My theory is that they're like that because they're just straight up born from the arsehole. Like, they don't come out from the vagina, they make their entrance into the world via the poop hole," Bucky managed to respond before his mouth twitched into a smile, the laughing causing stitches to run up his rib cage as he flopped to the floor, rendering himself helpless and even more out of breath. 

Kitty lead him up the stairs to her apartment for a glass of water, and perhaps a little bit of chocolate to replenish their stamina from the fear that the woman had installed into them. 

Bucky resolved to write the grocery store an apology letter for having to deal with the stuck up woman, then staggered up the stairs. 

~*~

"Hold up, just gotta find the keys," Kitty rummaged through her bag, leaving Bucky a heaving mass of under-oxygenated muscle leaning on the bannister. 

Just then, Bucky's old apartment door opened, and although whoever it was was shielded by the door, he heard a male voice say "Oh hey babe". 

His head shot up, and his eyes narrowed. Could this be? Was this man "wannabe rock-and-roller"?

"I thought you hated your neighbour?"

The girl's immediate response was an ill-contained groan.

"We've been dating for 3 weeks, get with the times, Barnes," sniped Kitty, but her voice wavered. 

"You were literally complaining about how terrible the music blasting through the thin walls was four days ago. You spent 5 minutes explaining in detail why you hated him so much," Bucky countered. 

"He's not so bad," she whispered back. "In fact he's pretty great."

 

And Kitty said  _he_ was bad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't a better chapter, but I had a lot of fun writing it so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Do you guys even use the word trolley???


	19. Ep. 19: Bucky Barnes Sitting in a Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> K-I-S-S-I-N-G

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry there wasn't an update in a bit. These holidays are surprisingly busy and yesterday was my birthday. You can now call me the Dancing Queen!
> 
> I legitimately spent less than an hour writing this because today's pretty busy too, but I think it's good?

_"Morning all! It's Bucky Barnes, and it's officially the 31st of August! If you don't know your months, that means tomorrow is September. It also means that today is the final day of the podcast challenge! Today's challenge is- hold up I need to pull it up. Uh, today's challenge is draw something in two minutes, which I can't really talk to you about, so I guess I'll film myself and upload that to Instagram, I'm @buckbdaily, and I just remembered I totally forgot to talk about the recipe for the chicken cacciatore I made a few days back, so why don't you all sit back and listen to my mellow tones take you through how to make this dish._

_I got this recipe off an old friend of mine, and everything's in grams? But you guys are smart enough to be able to figure it out. I mean, I got it, so you certainly can."_

To be absolutely honest with you, Steve was straight up pissed. Did Bucky Barnes  _have_ to be able to cook? No! He shouldn't be able to cook, God damn it all, he needed to have some sort of imperfection! And if Steve checked @buckbdaily on Instagram and found a drawing better than his, well call him poppycock and be out of his way because Steve can draw, he made a living out of it! But does he have "mellow tones" that makes podcast listeners swoon? (No.) Can he cook without burning water? (Barely.) Shit, Steve's  ~~love~~ hatred for Bucky Barnes just skyrocketed.

Well at least he'd have James from next door to keep him company while he wallowed in his own sorrows. Right?

_"So we're going to start off with 160 grams of chicken thighs in pieces of around an inch, and half a clove of garlic, and you're going to put 'em in a frying pan with a teaspoon of oil. You're going to want to make sure that you flip the chicken so both sides are cooked, but while you're waiting for the chicken, you'll get out 80 grams of white onion and chop it into strips, and then mix it in with the chicken and garlic._

_Next up is the tomatoes, but I'm lazy so I just used 200 grams of canned tomato, and guys, since when did Bucky Barnes Daily become a cooking show? Jeez. Well anyway, so that's 200 grams of canned crushed tomato with 40 millilitres of water with sugar and salt to taste, and you'll leave that for ten minutes..."_

~*~

 

The last day of the month. 

When was the first time he told himself he'd ask out Steve again?

Oh, right. The  _thirteenth_.

So without further ado, may James Buchanan Barnes present to you: stumbling man trying to figure out how to ask attractive neighbour out on a date!

"Hey Steve, what's up? Do you wanna go out for dinner some time?" 

_No, he's gonna think it's just as friends._

"Stevie! What do you say you and I catch up for some fun times."

_By Jesus was that creepy! How did that line ever work on girls ever? Regardless of the fact that he was eighteen, that was not okay._

"Steve, would you please go out with me?" 

_Too direct._

"Steve, I know this might sound weird, but I was wondering if you might want to go on a date with me."

_That might wor-_

"Bucky and Steve, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Bucky and Steve, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" 

And because God hated him, Bucky had butt-dialled Becca and she'd just overheard _everything_. And she was now mercilessly teasing him like as if she were the older sibling in the Barnes family. 

He fumbled to get his phone out from underneath him and turned the volume down as many notches as he could. The girl didn't need speaker phone with that shrill voice shouting down the line. Bucky only hoped she was somewhere secluded where her parents couldn't hear her scream about his crush. Now that was what Bucky called scary. 

"Don't worry Buck, I've got it all sorted for you. How about you try some of my best pick up lines?"

Bucky didn't respond, but Becca went on anyway. 

"Do you like raisins? How do you feel about a date?" she started with. 

"What if he's allergic?"

"Fine. 'If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'I' and 'U' together'."

"Overused."

"Picky, picky. I'm trying to help you here! What about 'Feel my shirt. Know what it's made of? Boyfriend material'."

"Please tell me you haven't used that one on somebody."

"Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only 10 I see."

"Becs, he's from Brooklyn."

"Damn it, you spoil everything! How about 'Let’s make like coffee and grind'?"

"I did not need to hear my sister say that."

"Are you Yoda? Because Yodalicious."

"Bye, Becca it was nice talking to you!"

~*~

 

He knew that in some odd, out-of-touch-with-emotions-in-the-Barnes-connection way, that was Becca trying to cheer him on, but asking someone out was certainly easier said than done. It used to be so much easier, he would just smirk and be on his way, but Steve was  _Steve_ , and he wasn't in his twenties anymore. 

A hard swallow had him standing up with his hand on the doorknob, and before he could psyche himself out, Bucky yanked his door open, striding over to Steve's door with all the courage he could muster up from his hump day-haggled form. 

But knocking on the door revealed Steve wasn't home, and Bucky's shoulders immediately slumped forward, making for a dejected five-step walk back to his own home. 

From up above, Charles Francis Xavier, genetics extraordinaire and founder of the Moira MacTaggert complex Team Stucky club definitely did not see James Buchanan Barnes give himself a petulant pout and trudge into his apartment after yet another failed attempt at asking Steven Grant Rogers out. 

From up above, Charles Francis Xavier, genetics extraordinaire and founder of the Moira MacTaggert complex Team Stucky club definitely did not create a club in an attempt to get the two together _or_ create a nickname for the two of them in the spirit of Brangelina. 

From up above, Charles Francis Xavier, genetics extraordinaire and founder of the Moira MacTaggert complex Team Stucky club definitely did not start making Team Stucky merchandise that he was selling to the complex with Moira's approval. 

And God above, Charles Francis Xavier definitely was  _not_ waving a massive fan the size of his head that had "Team Stucky" plastered over it, legs dangling off the edge of the fifth level of the apartment. 

But if Charles Francis Xavier did so happen to be doing any one of these things, who could blame him? He just seemed to have a psychic radar when it came to love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look my buds, this whole grams business is probably not your scene, but I used up enough brain power translating the recipe from Japanese (it wasn't really that hard but you all know I'm lazy) so there's that.
> 
> Also when AO3 tells you that "you can't post a chapter in the future" and it's like "bitch I set my timezone to GMT+10 you should _know_ it's not my birthday anymore it's the goDDAMN 21st NOW" ugh. That annoys me more than it should.


	20. Ep. 20: Bucky Barnes Works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get hectic in Class Daisy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so this is the reveal! I haven't read over what I wrote because I'm in a bit of a rush, but I'll probably come back tomorrow to fix up any typos.

_"Happy 1st of September! We have made it through the podcast challenge with T'Challa, and we're on our way to cruising it through 2016. Time really flies, doesn't it? As I mentioned earlier, the winner of this challenge will be decided on the first Saturday of the month which is the 3rd of September, very soon, so show your support now! Also in other support-type news, we are in full stock of all merchandise in the Bucky Barnes Daily store, and there is also a new design for the mugs, which is the drawing I did yesterday in 2 minutes which will be gracing the store soon! And thank you to @frostytheemma for suggesting that._

_Today I wanted to spend the morning thanking you all for your support, not just because of the podcast challenge, but because I haven't done it in a while. When I first started off this podcast I had no idea that it would become this big and I've just had such a great time with you all! However I especially wanted to give a shoutout to @jeangreenbean and her friends for all chipping in to buy me a new microphone! I mean, I'm a little offended that you think the one I bought wasn't of good enough quality to your ears? I'm just kidding. But thank you very_ very  _much._

_There are just so many shoutouts to give, but since last time I went through and read the two letters I had received, today I think I might give a shoutout to the people who have been here for me right from the start. There are quite a few of you, surprisingly, but my very first two followers on twitter were @bl1nkyc and @capstevegr."_

Steve's heart stopped for a moment. He had been noticed by  _Bucky Damn Barnes_. His idol, his one true love! He made a bee line for a park bench before his knees could buckle and give out beneath him, and he sat down hard, his heart racing for a whole different reason other than the fact that he had been running. He felt himself soar in a way that only a select few things made him feel. Like seeing James, watching a child read a story he illustrated, pulling out his mother's apple pie from the oven, playing with little puppies. 

By the time Steve returned to his senses after internally screaming over Bucky Barnes mentioning his twitter handler in his podcast, the episode had finished. He stood up, dusted off his pants, and continued on his merry way as if nothing had happened and he had been jogging the entire time. Except, of course, for the fact that he was grinning ear to ear like a Cheshire cat. 

~*~

It was a risk, mentioning Steve's twitter on his podcast like that, but what would life be without risks? The only people who would know anything about it was Nat, Clint, Becca, Charles... Erik... and just generally more people than there used to be. Which - alright, that wasn't ideal, but what was done was done, and if he didn't get a move on he would be late to work. He tried not to think about the repercussions of his actions: teasing, poking, prodding, and God, what would happen when Bucky finally told Steve who he really was? 

He started the car, fingers tapping restlessly against the steering wheel, hoping that his day at work would be kind to him and spare him the jitters. 

It was a fruitless dream, of course. 

~*~

"Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month! White wabbit!" a little boy crossed his fingers and ran towards the far wall. 

"Pinch and a punch for tha first day of tha month, red fox!"

"You can't do that," the bottom lip of the first boy trembled. 

"I can too, you don't make the rules."

He then reached out feebly, grabbing the sleeve of the second boy's t-shirt. "Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month, brown bear."

"No!" the second boy screamed. "That's no fair! I won!"

Bucky rushed in through the door, bags dropped right at the entrance to stand between the two little boys, looking down at blond hair that he was so sure was turning flaming red with anger. 

"Alex? Alex. Calm down now, we don't yell at our friends."

"Then he's not my friend," came the petulant voice of Alex. 

"But yesterday you said we would be best friends forever," was the teary response from Bucky's right side, and he whipped around to find Darwin on the verge of crying.

Bucky's stomach plummeted at the sight as he rushed forward to try and cheer the boy up, taking his little hands in his own and squeezing them tight. Darwin was strong. He was kind and quiet, but whenever it came to Alex... He bit his lip in thought, trying to conjure up the right words.

"Barnes! What is this  _mess_!" 

_Well shit._

"Principal Fury it's just a small mishap, it's on its way to being solved it was just a little lover's quarrel over pinch and a punch, really it's not a big dea-"

Being pulled aside to Fury's office for a stern talking to was not Bucky's definition of "a kind day at work", but he did already tell you that God was never on his side. 

~*~

Upon their return to Class Daisy's room, Principal Fury was hit directly in the face by a splattering of red paint that dribbled down his nose in an imitation of blood, and the room's activities stuttered to a halt. Jubilee wiped the smile off her face immediately, hiding the tube of paint in her hand by shoving it into Ororo's palm. The children awaited the booming voice of their principal with bated breaths, but Fury turned on his heel, and with a flick of his finger the two interns were whisked away to be scolded at.

As a result, Bucky was put onto clean up duty, like as if any of this was his fault, and he glared at the wall to Class Chrysanthemum (or Class Cryababamimum, as the children so eloquently stumbled over), and straight through the wall to where Class Buttercup resided in peace and quiet. Meanwhile at Class Daisy:  _ **Hell**_.

At least, Bucky thought, he could find solace in the fact that Class Azalea was even worse than Class Daisy.

Darwin, what an absolute gem, was a complacent little darling, who assisted Bucky in cleaning up the mess, while most of the children grudgingly squelched around the room with paper towels. Bucky carefully carded through Alex's mucky hair, working out green, after blue, after red. By the time the two miserable interns were back, the room had a mere rainbow undertone to it, and Bucky had a q-tip down a little girl's ear after she screamed she was bleeding purple. 

When Bucky made it back home he barely had the energy to push the buttons of the elevator, and he started unbuckling his belt as he unlocked his door, shucking off his pants and shirt by the door and flopping straight into bed. His brain attempted to nudge him to the kitchen to the left over potato gratin from the night before, but it was quickly clouded over by sleep, the faint beginnings of a snore sounding from the man. 

~*~

At 7:46 precisely, Steve cleared his throat, and stepped out of his apartment, shuffling over to his next door neighbour's door. He held a hand up to knock, contemplating his life choices before rapping three times, and taking a slight step back. With Peggy back in America, her constant nagging of "When will you ask James out?" or "Are you and James a thing yet?" or any combination of "James" and "dating" was slowly gnawing at Steve's patience, resulting in his resolve snapping. So, with great trepidation he stood before James' apartment to casually ask him out to lunch on the weekend. (Read:  **C A S U A L L Y** )

From up above, Erik Magnus Lehnsherr, professional scary-faced man and co-founder of the Moira MacTaggert complex Team Stucky club alongside his fiancé, definitely did not, under no circumstances what so ever, watch the ordeal from above in the position Charles had been in just last night. 

From up above, Erik Magnus Lehnsherr, professional scary-faced man and co-founder of the Moira MacTaggert complex Team Stucky club alongside his fiancé, definitely was not, under no circumstances what so ever, on his Team Stucky shift, waving a hand-sewn flag with some dodgy cartoons of the two brightly drawn on both sides. 

No, Erik Magnus Lehnsherr was not scowling down at Steven Grant Rogers as the man knit his eyebrows together and swivelled back towards his own apartment, fumbling with the doorknob before disappearing.

Okay, yes, Erik  _was_ doing that, and after glaring at the door to apartment 4A, he returned to his own home to report to Charles his findings. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how much I love my cameos, and there will be more mini mini cameos in Bucky's podcast listeners!


	21. Ep: 21: Bucky Barnes is Oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barnaby was a bad investment, and Moira MacTaggert and her apartment complex are all meddling shits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why, I had trouble writing this chapter. It's a little shorter as well, but I have hopes to make up for it in the next one!

_"Good Morning! And welcome to Bucky Barnes Daily. I'm Bucky Barnes, and this is Bucky Barnes' new cactus buddy, Barnaby! Say hello to the audience, Barnaby!"_

_"Hello audience!"_

_"Say Barnaby, isn't it a nice morning today?"_

_"Yeah, Buck! It's such a mellow temperature."_

_"My Barnaby, what eloquent vocabulary you have! I've trained you well. So what is the temperature for today?"_

_"It's currently 70 degrees, with a high of 75."_

_"Thank you Barnaby, that will be all for today. You may return to your windowsill now. Won't you alert me when hot neighbour's abs runs by? That's much appreciated Barnaby. Goodbye, now."_

Steve laughed at the voice Bucky was making to play Barnaby, before stepping out of the apartment complex to start his morning run. 

 _"What's that, Barnaby? I can say hello to hot neighbour's abs_ already _? Oh dear lord you weren't kidding. Are those more chiseled than the last time I saw them? I think they're more chiseled."_

_"BBD family, it is with the utmost of condolences I say to you that on this day, Bucky Barnes was assaulted by the sight of beautiful abs, and murdered. As of the 3rd of September, Bucky Barnes Daily is no more. From here on out, you will tune into Barnaby Barnes Daily."_

_"That's a terrible name! Remind me why I named you Barnaby Barnes?"_

Steve stifled a laugh yet again as Bucky made radio static sounds with his mouth as he battled Barnaby in a fight to the death over the podcast, that ended with a smash and a "whoops, bye Barnaby". After that chaos, the podcast ended with a quick funeral for Barnaby, and the audience called in to give a few words to the deceased cactus. 

(Yes, Bucky did resolve the problem of his evil cactus Barnaby by chucking the plant out the window and into the back of someone's pickup truck.)

~*~

Every couple of Saturdays, Fury's kindergarten would be open for busy parents, and there would be a small smattering of children left behind in the makeshift childcare centre.

Now, Bucky wasn't going to say that he hated these Saturdays, but he hated these Saturdays. The why of it was simple, really. It was much the same reason of why he hated Class Azalea. 

He remembered it like it was yesterday: clear skies, minimal traffic, a generally great start to the Saturday morning. And yet, Miss Rogue from Class Azalea... well, one way to put it was she certainly lived up to her name. 

What was he thinking, agreeing to a game of truth or dare while on the job? Being caught by his boss eating a cup of the kids' jelly was  _not_ worth it, even if it was raspberry pineapple flavour. 

Nonetheless he trudged into work, approaching the day's roster with care lest Miss Rogue was scheduled as well. 

"Mr. Buggy!" a voice called for him from down the corridor, and Bucky turned around to find the only person he enjoyed the company of from Class Azalea, kneeling and opening up his arms as she ran into him. 

"Hi there, Sayward. How's my favourite sea guardian doing? Are you protecting the mermaids?" he asked her, ruffling her hair. 

Sayward pouted, ever the petulant little girl, and scrunched up her nose.

"But I wanna protect the unicorns!" 

"Well then you can protect the narwhals, because they have a horn too," Bucky told her. 

The girl squirmed out from his arms, blonde locks bouncing, and stomped a foot on the ground with a loud "No!".

"Then how about, when the unicorns come and visit the ocean, you can keep them safe, since they're not good at swimming?" 

That seemed to quench Sayward's thirst for protecting unicorns, and she nodded slowly three times, before spotting a friend and skipping off to greet them. 

~*~

"Welcome, everybody!" Charles smiled when he heard someone mumble "to the 74th annual Hunger Games". "Oh no, my dear, it's not quite  _that_ sinister," he chucked.

Erik stood up, and gave his toothy smile - the one that was more of a glower than a smile. "Today, we begin the very first meeting of the Moira MacTaggert complex Team Stucky club. At Team Stucky, we have three rules: do not talk when others are talking, do not force Stucky to happen - you must nurture it, and do not speak of Team Stucky to anyone outside of this room." 

"Thank you, Erik, darling," Charles gave his fiancé a pat on the shoulder, afraid that he had now scared away over half of the apartment. "You see, what we are looking to do is bring these two very adorable, very  _oblivious_ people together, because we know it would make the world a better place."

The room bustled with ideas to get the two together (or should one say  _nurture_ , for Erik's sake), and free Team Stucky merchandise was distributed about the room. On a table in the corner was a donation box, and merchandise that could be bought, such as mugs and fans and baseball caps to go with their free t-shirts. Charles stood out the front with a notepad in hand, frantically scribbling down each suggestion, and Moira sneaked an extra free shirt into her bag while no one was watching. 

"Charles?" Erik looked down at the slightly frazzled man. "Team Stucky is a go." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sayward means "protector of the sea", by the way. (*raises eyebrows at [NavyPier](http://archiveofourown.org/users/NavyPier/pseuds/NavyPier) and winks* Hope you enjoyed your cameo!! bb!Sayward will return...) Speaking of NavyPier! You guys should all check out [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8090998) wonderful fic she kindly wrote for me!


	22. Ep. 22: Bucky Barnes Dies in the Figurative Manner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Motherfeathers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention, but wow, 300 kudos, thank you so so much! Every single one of you who ever clicks on this fic is an absolute gem. 
> 
> I just realised that I totally don't know the dates and all that for kindergarten in America! So... we'll ignore that plot hole and move on, shall we?
> 
> Tomorrow I'll be going to see Singin' in the Rain (OH MY GOD!!!!!) so there won't be an update, and the week's pretty busy with me _actually doing work for once_ but there should be an update by Friday!

_"Goooooooooood Morning! I feel like death, I got zero sleep last night. But anyway, today is the 22nd of September, we're starting to get a bit of the Autumn breeze coming through Brooklyn, but the sun is still shining high. As a Thursday we have one more day until it's Friday, so hang in tight there kids, we're almost at the end of the week! It also means that there are officially 100 days left of the year,_ and  _it's Tom Felton's birthday! And to top it all off it's also_ _National Ice Cream Cone Day, so don't be afraid to head on down to your local ice cream shop for a treat!_

_Today I thought I'd sing you all a song that I recently learnt on the ukulele, because evidently it's a really special day, and I'm trying to cover up the fact that I didn't plan anything to talk about today..."_

~*~

"Mr. Buggy, Mr. Buggy!" 

"Mr. Bucks!"

"Mistah Bickie!"

Bucky made a valiant effort to not snort out his coffee through his nose, and put the lukewarm beverage up on a counter where no one could reach before kneeling down to greet the children. It never ceased to amuse him how many different ways the kids could find to pronounce his name. The principal was "Prince Furry", Ororo was "Miss Owowowowowo", Jubilee tended to be "Miss Lee", and every now and again Bucky would hear Miss Rogue being called "Miss Wog". 

Looking back at himself in high school, he wondered why it took so long for him to decide what he wanted as a career. Bucky had fretted for so long, but now, as the resident musician of Class Daisy and everyone's favourite Buggy, he thinks he couldn't have possibly made a better choice. Sure engineering had been niggling at his mind for a while, but what could ever beat the satisfaction of seeing a small child smile? 

"Sing us the Hello Song, pwease?" a raven-haired girl tugged on his pant leg, and with all the strength her little hands had, Bucky could have thought she was a pro-wrestler. Anyway the point was, he was glad he was wearing a belt to keep his pants up.

"Hang on there darling, let me get my guitar out and you can all sit down," he smiled. 

He was tempted to whip out a power ballad rendition of Adele's hit song, but he refrained himself, and kept to the kids song that took Class Daisy by a storm. It featured 15+ languages from around the world that admittedly took Bucky 2 weeks to learn, complete with acceptable pronunciation. After all, it was not worth being reprimanded by a 5 year-old about how someone as  _old_ as him should really know how to say hello properly in Cantonese (which was not - repeat _not_ \- nay-hoe-mar). 

The day moved slowly although in a good way, and just after lunch the children piled onto Bucky's back in an attempt to get him to read them a story for story time. He caught a look of hurt flash in Jubilee's eye (story time was her favourite) right before Alex smacked him in the butt with the book he wanted to be read. Perhaps he would need to have a stern talking-to with Mrs. Summers when she came to pick her son up. Or Mr. Summers, considering it was a Thursday- and when did Bucky's life become so sad that he knew which of whose parents would be picking who up on each day of the week? 

"Alright alright, I'll do it! So are we all happy with the book that Alex wants?" he asked, to an immediate chorus of "yes". 

"Then everyone get to the bean bags, and we'll get started," Ororo guided the children to story land. 

" _I'm a Little Warrior_ , written by Maria Hill and illustrated by Steven G. Rogers," Bucky cleared his throat. 

His mind wandered briefly to the time Bucky's slow brain put two and two together and realised Steven G. Rogers the illustrator was Steve Rogers, his neighbour that illustrated children's books. Honestly, it was a wonder it took him so long, but in his defence Jubilee  _did_ usually handle story time, so it wasn't entirely his fault for not realising earlier.

He hadn't realised he'd been in a trance until Alex had become impatient and was halfway to stalking up to Bucky and bitchslapping the spaced-out look off his face. 

"What'sa matter Mr. Buggy?" one of the boys piped up. 

"I was just thinking, I know Steven G. Rogers, so maybe he could pay all of you a visit some time. Would you like that?" 

A deafening cheer erupted in the room, although it didn't drown out the next conversation between him and Jubilee (unfortunately). 

"So how do you know Steven G. Rogers?" she asked. 

"Oh, he's my neighbour," replied Bucky, ever nonchalant and completely unaware of what he was getting into. 

" _So_ ," Ororo jumped in, Alex (damn it, it was always Alex) swinging off her arm. "Do you have a neighbour on the other side, or is this hot abs?" 

"You motherfeather," he hissed, careful of the children around him. 

With the speed of a demon he rounded up the kids and sat them back down on the bean bags to read  _I'm a Little Warrior_ , but for safety reasons he kept one eye on the interns for the rest of the afternoon. 

~*~

Bucky grumbled to himself the entire way home and was still muttering under his breath when he stepped into the apartment complex to find someone wearing a t-shirt with a face that looked eerily like his (or at least, it had brown hair and a jawline), next to a face that looked more like Steve than he would have liked to admit. When the girl's long hair swished over her shoulder, it revealed big block letters that read TEAM STUCKY, and Bucky stumbled over his own feet. 

As if revealing to Ororo and Jubilee the identity of hot abs wasn't bad enough, he had just caught someone who he'd passed in the corridor once (just once!) wearing a t-shirt with him and Steve's faces on it, like they were some kind of power couple that everyone wished to be. 

"W-what's that?" 

He heard his voice crack on the words.

"Oh no," was the distressed reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raven-haired = Raveen's cameo did I ever thank you enough for being my beta for the Winter's Children Programme, that piece of trash was fun to write but Jesus it was _**T R A S H**_.
> 
> Also, I don't know how long it takes for a book to be published, like for Steve to finish the illustrations, Maria to be happy with them and all that, but you know what it was June when Steve got the job and I'm just gonna call it decent. Yay for more plot holes!!! Good job Elise!


	23. Ep. 23: Bucky Barnes Dies Figuratively Yet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We'll... just blame Charles for this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! Here is another update. I can't believe this fic has reached over 6000 hits! I can't thank you enough, this is absolutely amazing. 
> 
> On sadder news though, school is coming back up - my last ever term of high school, in fact - and I'm still debating whether or not I should be rebellious and update during all the school madness. I'll have come to a conclusion by the next update, so stay tuned!

_"Hello and welcome to the 1st of October! If you haven't gotten your Halloween gear out and decorated your house already I must tell you I am very ashamed to have you as a part of my family and you are officially disowned. I know we already had our Halloween chat all the way back in August, but you know what? It doesn't hurt to talk about something as fun as this! I've got some non-harmful pranks to share with you guys that I've done in the past, but I obviously can't let you in on what I'm doing this year, because my friends listen to this podcast sometimes, and that would ruin everything._

_I've also compiled the definitive list of candies and treats that include kid favourites, adult favourites - for those of you who will take my advice and go trick or treating yourself - and also parent-approved candy! I also went scrounging around for gluten and dairy free options for those of you who have the time and money to brighten an allergy-ridden child's day._

_So without further ado, Bucky Barnes has a fool-proof prank for you..."_

~*~

Charles and Erik trudged down together, the latter grumbling the entire flight down the stairs about "dumbarse neighbours" and "now look what we've got ourselves into" and "I should have put regulations on wearing team merchandise out and about" and so on and so forth to the point that Charles felt obliged to get up onto his tippy toes to give him a kiss just to shut his damn gob. 

With great grievance Erik lifted his hand to knock on James' door, an impatient foot tapping against the floor boards of the corridor. Bucky swung his door open with a smile that tapered of his face at the sheer power of Erik's scowl. 

"How... may I help you?"

"James! Bucky? James? I _really_ don't know what to call you," Charles shoved Erik aside. "It's so lovely to see you, we haven't spoken in so long! We just wanted to invite you up to our apartment for our fortnightly club meeting, if you've got the time? It's not a cult, we promise. It's even Moira approved!"

Before he could ask what the club was for, Erik grabbed him by the arm and yanked him out of his apartment. "You'll know what it is when we get there," was all he said, which really wasn't much comfort at all, but Bucky supposed he could trust his upstair neighbours considering they were friends. 

The room was bustling when the three reached the door, and Bucky wondered just how many people were in the one apartment. Was this a complex club? Had he just not been told of this because he was fairly new? But then if that was the case, what had lead his friends of this complex to delay the invitation for so long? Was it Moira who had something against him? 

He followed Charles and Erik into the room and got hit straight in the face by... well. 

 _Well_ _._

Belatedly he noticed that both of the men who invited him up were wearing snug jumpers zipped (or buttoned, in Charles' case) up so that any shirt underneath could not be seen. 

"So there were more of you with these t-shirts."

Bucky said it with a sort of finality, and a short pause of overwhelming dread between each word he spoke. Maybe it was a bad decision to move; maybe he should have never left Kitty behind in the little shithole he used to call home.

"Actually, there are more than just t-shirts. We thought as an initiation we'd have you model all of our products!" Moira rushed forward with her arms full, and Bucky had a very strong feeling that things were about to take a turn from worst, to even worsterer (credits to Sayward for the wonderful new word he'd put into his vocabulary). 

So, after a busy photoshoot that Bucky was sure his eyes looked dead in, he sat down in the second row next to the girl he had first seen with the "Team Stucky" t-shirt on, giving her an upturned wince of a smile as he lowered himself into the chair. 

"Don't worry, we just want to help," the girl gave him a pat on his shoulder. 

It was just about as comforting as the time Luna told Harry everything was alright because he was just as sane as she was. Possibly even less comforting, if he thought more deeply about it.

As the meeting came to a close, Charles brought Bucky out of his seat and to the front of the living room. 

"Any closing words?" he asked. 

"Look, this is really kind of you all but-"

"Oh nonsense!" came the reply from the room in various forms. "It's our pleasure."

In the end, they didn't allow him to finish the sentence - he had meant to say he would prefer they didn't meddle, not because he didn't appreciate what they were doing for him, and not because he was particularly against merchandise with his face on it (it was alarmingly easy to grow used to), but simply because it was deathly embarrassing, and James Buchanan Barnes didn't know what to do with himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a little shorter than I'd hoped, but I'm sure in turn there will be even longer chapters in the future! Thank you to everyone who has made it this far with me!
> 
> I haven't proofread this yet, so sorry for the mistakes.


	24. Ep. 24: Bucky Barnes Breaks the Fourth Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

_"Hey there guys! This is Bucky Barnes from Bucky Barnes Daily, and today I'm broadcasting live from Elise's room, all the way in sunny Australia. Before we get to anything else, we'd just like to thank every single one of you who has read this story! From the comments I can see you all enjoy laughing at the mess that is my life and that's... okay, it's not nice. That's actually really rude, and you should be comforting me and lending me a shoulder to cry on, not "lol" and "lmao"ing all over my pain._

_Elise and I will take this moment to give special shoutouts to[jezza](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jezza), Rianna, Emily and [NavyPier](http://archiveofourown.org/users/NavyPier) for this particular fic. Through giving Elise inspiration, spurring her on and so many more things that we won't mention or we'll be sitting here for days._

_Of course, while I complain about you commenters that laugh at me, we still want to show our appreciation to the avid little fans out there:[waiod_64](http://archiveofourown.org/users/waiod_64/pseuds/waiod_64), [ChevyImpala1967](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ChevyImpala1967/pseuds/ChevyImpala1967) and [108157m](http://archiveofourown.org/users/108157m/pseuds/108157m) among you fabulous lot of many. _

_Now, we are here to make an actual announcement - not just to kiss peoples' arses - but I'm afraid Elise has chosen_ me  _to tell you because she's hiding under 10 blankets and thinks that somehow me, James Buchanan Barnes, breaking the news to you is somehow going to make you all miraculously sedate about the way you react to the following information._

 _So, as those of you who read the notes of this story know, your author is in her last year of high school. Tough stuff, right? Wouldn't wanna be back in her shoes. But anyway, starting Tuesday the 4th of October, her last term of high school_ ever  _will commence and she really feels like she should put that thinking cap on and concentrate on her school work. So for the next 7 weeks, Elise will, unfortunately and with great sadness, take a break from telling you about my sad, sad, love-deficient life._

_She has made me a promise that she will come back when she knows she is in a good enough position to take time away from school, music and other commitments to keep posting here and there, but for now, this is a small goodbye. We will be back, not to worry (as if Rianna would ever let us abandon anything mid-story --read: she'd skin us alive), and before long you may see me blossom into the lovestruck puppy Charles and Erik want me to be._

_Now I know that was a lot to take in, so how about we spend the rest of today's session taking in calls and just having a chat? Get yourself a nice warm cup of tea and sit down with me. First caller? You're on the line. How are you, my dear?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR: I want to maintain/pull up my grades in the last stretch and will be back in 7 weeks. Thank you :3


	25. Ep. 25: Bucky Barnes Brings Steve to Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My exams are almost over, so I thought I'd swoop in with another chapter! Hastily written, unbeta'd, not proofread, but please do enjoy!

_"It's officially another hump day you've all made it through to, and I'd like to say how proud I am of all of you! For those of you who have just woken up and are feeling a little bit disorientated, it's the 12th of October, and it's a Wednesday. Also, it's 2016. You know, just in case any time travellers are listening in this morning. Personally I'm pretty excited for today, things are looking pretty good for me, and I hope they are for you too. I feel like it's a leisurely chat kind of day, don't you? So we might take some calls and munch on our cereals, hey? I've got some embarrassing stories to tell you about my friends if you want that. C-Bird, if you're out there, I love you and I'm not sorry for throwing you under the bus..."_

~*~

Bucky rushed into work, car parked diagonally over two spaces and forgotten coffee dripping down the driver's side window. He slammed the car door closed with nervous energy, and fumbled around with his keys before finally making it through the door a minute before work started. He couldn't believe just moments before he'd been telling his podcast listeners that he thought today was going to be a good day.

Biggest joke of his life.

He walked in to find Rogue (that bitch, Bucky would hold his jelly shot grudge to his death bed) sauntering through the corridors with her flawless hair, little Sayward hot on her tail with her big puppy dog eyes. 

God knows what she saw in her. Maybe Bucky would need to sit Sayward down and have a stern talk with her about how not everyone in the world was good. The little girl was going to get seriously hurt some day and James Buchanan Barnes just couldn't stand for that. Either that or he was insanely jealous that a truth-or-dare-instigating, devious monster like Miss Rogue could ever have a student so infatuated by her that they couldn't leave her side. (It was definitely the former. Bucky wasn't the jealous type.)

~*~

It was exactly 10:31am when the phone in Bucky's pocket pinged. He picked it up, squinted at it, then almost dropped it into the pot of green paint that Alex Summers was decidedly not trying to drink with a straw. 

"Steve's here," his voice cracked. 

In all his wallowing over Rogue, he had forgotten why he had been excited for today. 

He rushed out of his chair and ran to the door, leaving Class Daisy to Jubilee and Ororo. 

His shoes squeaked on the freshly cleaned corridor of the centre, and he plastered on his brightest smile for his next door neighbour as he opened the door. 

"My, well if it isn't Steven G. Rogers!" Bucky jumped back from the door. "To what does our humble childcare centre owe the pleasure?" 

With a dramatic bow, he let Steve in, who was laughing hard enough that his only response was a wholly undignified string of snorts. 

"The kids are really excited to meet you. Actually, so are the interns. We've had to shoo away a couple of parents who were trying to stay back just to get an autograph from you." 

"Oh James," Steve rolled his eyes, just as they'd made it to Class Daisy's room, where immediately what seemed like ten thousand heads whipped around to stare right into Steve's soul. 

" _James!_ " Ororo called, her voice dripping wet with sarcasm. "Who have you brought to us today,  _James_?" 

"Stevie here's my next door neighbour," he smiled to the children, giving Ororo the satisfaction of only a slight flare of his nostrils. It was a good thing he couldn't hear Jubilee mutter "boyfriend" under her breath when he said "next door neighbour". "He also happens to illustrate a lot of your favourite books!" 

And so, in the span of about six seconds give or take, every child in the room had thrown away their paintings and had either yanked a book from the bookshelf or climbed up Steve's legs, dragging his feet over to the reading corner. Darwin had even collated a pile of colourful paper and a big thick pen and was attempting to request a personal story from the man, though his pleas were drowned out by the screaming of his peers. 

Bucky picked the paper from the boy and silenced the class, handing the pile over to Steve. 

"We were wondering if you could write a story with us, and illustrate it. Our very own Class Daisy story," Bucky said, voice seemingly far away from the stark contrast of children screeching beside Steve's ears. "It'll be all the rage, and we'll make all the other classes jealous." 

Steve pretended to be deep in thought as Class Daisy put on their biggest pouts and most sparkling puppy dog eyes before nodding once, calmly, and picking the pen up with the flourish of Pablo Picasso. 

~*~

If it weren't for the endless teasing on the interns' parts, Bucky would have said that the 12th of October 2016 was the best day of his life. But God gives and takes, and for the wonderful day he'd gotten to spend with Steve at work, there were many, many instances of cruel torture. 

" _James_ , it's lunch time. Will you get the kids' sandwiches?" 

"Fury wants a quick chat with Steve,  _James_. Will you take him to the office?"

"The kids want Steve back. You can go to Fury's office and see how much longer he's going to keep the illustrator hostage for, can't you  _James_?" 

It was almost like as if he were a slave! Weren't Jubilee and Ororo the interns at this childcare centre, not him? 

Not to mention: " _James_! The children want music time right now. They're absolutely whining for it!"

Never mind the fact that every single person in the classroom was quietly munching on their afternoon tea and literally no one at all wanted music time. But Jubilee and Ororo were very... demanding people, so with great reluctance Bucky picked up his guitar, his ukulele, set up the keyboard, handed a tambourine to Jubilee, and put the maracas all the way on the other side of the room for Ororo to go and get for herself. 

Steve was in awe that day, seeing all of James' talents on sparkling display. It was blinding, seeing the man smile at all the grubby-faced children as he strummed on his guitar. He felt his cheeks growing pink, though he wasn't sure if it was from the steady gaze of the interns as they giggled and whispered to each other, or the honey-sweet voice that sung about sunshine and flowers and cows on a farm. 

 

Quietly, very quietly, he fell deeper in love. 


	26. Ep. 26: Bucky Barnes Meets Another James

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rustling in the corner*  
> What's that? It looks... it looks like... TRASH! 
> 
> That would be me! Elise! Hi, I'm trash!!!!! 
> 
> Welcome to your next hastily written chapter that's unbeta'd _and_ not proofread!!! What a gem Elise is.

_ “Good spooky morning my listeners! I’m Bucky Barnes from Bucky Barnes Daily, and it is officially Halloween! How exciting! I personally am going trick or treating tonight with some friends, and I'll say it again my lovely doves: if you're not on candy hand out duty this is well worth your time! Trust me, you don't even get judged that much." _

Bucky's podcast started with a bang, the fully-grown man more like a 2-week old puppy, bouncing around on his heels before his microphone, hyper-energetic even before his dose of sugar from the candy he would undoubtedly collect later in the day. In a sports commentary-like manner, he cast his eyes to the view outside of his window.

_ "Hot Abs passes by the window today again and would you take a look at that! They're evermore chiseled! Ladies and gentlemen, you are truly missing out on a wonderful sight here. Does anyone dare me to poke my head out the window and yell at him to get in the spirit and put some chub on with some Halloween candy? I won't be taking calls because I know you all want me to ruin my life beyond repair and I'm in no way prepared to embarrass myself like that. Yet..." _

 ~*~

Bucky flexed one more time in the grubby, cracked mirror of Kitty's bathroom and whistled. He mightn't have the muscles of Steven Grant Rogers, but his art skills took him a fair way close to the blond from next door. He admired his handiwork - the intricate details he'd put into painting his arm to look 1. far  _far_ more muscular than it had and will ever be, and 2. like as if it were made of shining metal that would glint in the sun. Bucky had not been joking when he said he was a fan of the Captain America comic books. 

With one last (it was actually the last this time) look in the mirror he returned to the living room where Kitty was awaiting him, nails dripping blood red as she knocked over her bottle of nail polish. 

"So I look that good, huh?" Bucky smirked at his old neighbour. 

She only gave him a wry smile. "So long as you don't run around trying to pick up guys with your," Kitty looked down. "Winter Soldier." 

"Well isn't that a kick in the danger clam," he frowned in response. 

Kitty stood up to fetch some paper towels for the mess she had made, and on her way muttered something that sounded like "Thank the Lord you didn't call it a 'no no carrot' again I swear to God if I hear him using his child-safe kindergarten words I will rip his throat out with my bare hands." 

It was a good thing Bucky didn't have particularly keen ears, so all he caught was "I swear to God". If he had heard any more of her rumblings, there was a slight chance he would have backed out of trick or treating with the girl. 

"You know Pryde, that's an awful dirty mind you've got there. Should I report that to your father?"

Kitty fired back with a response that she was twenty-one and not twelve, and effectively ended the conversation with a "I don't have a father anyway." 

 

Except... she had spoken too soon. 

 

The knock at the door startled the both of them. Maybe it was just the fact that it was Halloween, but the unexpected guest was unsettling to Bucky's stomach. Bobby had specifically said he would meet part way through the night because of his shift, so it couldn't -shouldn't- be him. 

The two crept slowly towards the door, laughter leaving their faces, when the figure on the other side spoke. 

"Katherine. Open up." 

~*~

He wasn't exactly a  _father_ per se, but after having taken poor orphaned Kitty Pryde under his wing, he was technically her legal guardian. Not that that particularly mattered at this point since the girl was now twenty-one, but people tend to lose track of time when they're locked up in jail for some time. 

"Bucky this is James Howlett!" Kitty waved her arms around the surly man beside her with a sickeningly bright smile that was on its way to transforming into a grimace. 

The man held out a hand, rough, calloused and hopefully not covered in dried blood ( _It's okay Bucky, it's probably just old ketchup_ ) and grumbled out that people should refer to him as Logan, because James was a stupid name. 

"Well I can drink to that," said Bucky, taking the man's hand. "James Buchanan Barnes at your service." 

It seemed to work, as Kitty's guardian let out one short, but nonetheless hearty, laugh.

"Jeez kid, you've got it worse than me." 

~*~

Now the story of James "Logan" Howlett and how he came to stand at Kitty Pryde's door at precisely 5:25pm on the 31st of October was one that James Buchanan Barnes relayed with sparkling eyes to Steven Grant Rogers when the tall blond man made his way over with leftover pumpkin pie at 7:18pm on the 1st of November. 

"You just wouldn't believe it, Stevie!" 

It was  _crazy_ , like a story some old geezer from the 19th Century would come up with. 

Kitty had been seventeen when Logan was caught. He was in a bikie gang, admittedly not the best crew to be hanging out with, but damn it Logan liked motorbikes! What was wrong with that? While by now, Logan could learn from his experience that he could enjoy motorbikes and bike riding without a hulking horde of leather-clad, scraggly losers, four years ago, Logan was well in the pack. 

There had been thirteen of them at the time, rampant and rowdy as they zoomed through the streets. They stole, as any respectable bikie gang would, and they stole well. Logan thought it was alright so long as he did it from the goodness of his heart: donating stolen jewellery, opening up food drives on the side of the street with feasts he had snatched from under idiots' noses. But stealing was stealing, you see, and it didn't matter if you stole a loaf of bread for the starving on the street. 

It was just as well that the police officer who caught Logan red-handed wasn't named Javert. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I love this post more than I should,](http://setheverman.tumblr.com/post/150632205608/wizardmoon-kinkshamer69-please-dont-call) and I'm Les Mis trash always. 
> 
> Bikie = Biker, just in case you were unsure. No respectable bikie gang steals, by the way. I'm just spitting shit through the top of my hat. Hope you enjoyed this little filler chapter before the fun begins!


	27. Ep. 27: Bucky Barnes is in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With ombre hair and a satisfactory OP score, this little graduate marches forward! This is where the fun begins! 
> 
> If you're reading these notes, please _please_ make sure that you stick around for the notes at the end, it's very important!

_"Morning all! I'm looking out the window and-"_

A loud crash and a string of curse words startled Steve as he made his way down the stairs for his daily run, making him miss a step and go tumbling down the flight. Finding himself with blood trickling down from his elbow, he decided that, although it was a small scratch, he would skip the run and stay in for the morning. It was only a Saturday anyway, and he could do with a break for once. 

_"Sorry guys, I've screwed up my microphone, I'm afraid there's no podcast this morning. I'm so sorry, I promise I'll be back with you tomorrow!"_

~*~

Screwed up his microphone his arse. 

"Jesus mother of God I swear I'm going to..." Bucky trailed off with a sigh. 

You see, what any regular audience of Bucky Barnes Daily was completely unaware of, was that the poster that Bucky Barnes had seen tacked to a tree through his window directly concerned him and his love life. 

It's not a long or complicated story: it starts with Erik, and ends with impatience. Basically, Erik became sick and tired of sitting and waiting around for James and Steve to pull their heads out from down yonder, and he finally snapped one night, hauling his laptop out and sitting down hard at the table. Muttering furiously to himself, he cracked his knuckles and began to create a poster. With an eye-catching title, an adorable photograph of the two men in question  _and_ a reward of $500 for the person who could finally bring the two oblivious butts together, Erik hit the print button and sent the printer into a frenzy until it started spurting ink. 

Satisfied with his efforts, Erik ran through the streets late on Friday night, determined to have the posters displayed in every crack and crevice of Brooklyn. 

Unfortunately for Bucky, Erik was a very driven man, and when he wanted every crack and crevice filled, that meant that quite literally,  _every crack and crevice would be filled._

So as the brunet sighed and slumped down in front of his TV to watch the morning news, he was faced with a sight far worse than he had ever anticipated. 

_"And in local news this morning, Brooklyn woke up only to be covered in posters today. Jenny, would you like to tell us what's going on?"_

Bucky dropped the remote.

He ran to the bathroom. 

He punched the sink.

(Which was a terrible idea, mind you. His knuckles copped a bruising.)

He turned the tap on full blast and sat down on the cold tiled ground, hoping that the water would drown out the television - why he didn't just turn the damn thing off was a wonder.

Behind him, the newscaster bubbled over the romantic happenings of her hometown. 

_"... and if you look to my right here you can see the poster very clearly. It can be identified by the neon pink paper, and we just have to say it is quite the sight! We have to know the truth though: was it James or Steve who took a leap with this romantic gesture?"_

With that Bucky hauled himself up, switched his television off with brute force unknown to mankind, and wordlessly stalked right over to Steve's door, bursting into his room the moment the door was opened for him. 

A hand on Steve's elbow (the uninjured one, thankfully), Bucky ran to Charles and Erik's residence, face gradually growing into a peach pink. 

"Lehnsherr!" Bucky pounded a fist against the hard wood. "Explain yourself!" 

And of course, it just  _had_ to be a Saturday, aka the day of the Team Stucky meetings, so James was rudely greeted by his entire apartment complex, grinning from ear to ear. (Read: they were not being rude, and Bucky was just being a petulant little child.) 

Steve, who was still blissfully ignorant of the turmoil in the room poked his head from behind James and blushed a bright red at an exponential rate, enough to rival the roma tomatoes growing on the windowsill of Charles' little garden. 

"W-what's this, guys?" 

~*~

A full initiation later, Steve was fully up to date with the activities of Team Stucky Club, and what they were working towards. If it were possible, his face was burning brighter than usual, but no one could really blame him. In some sort of a miracle, Steve took to the information alarmingly well, as Bucky brooded from the corner of the room with one eye on Erik and his other on Steve for the whole two hours it took to explain the situation at hand. 

"So why is the name Team Stucky? Is it because we're stuck without moving past the friendship line?" Steve piped up, before slapping a hand over his mouth hard enough to leave a white mark on his scarlet blush. 

Taking his cue and standing up from the corner, Bucky swept his fringe to the side and held a hand out to the lost blond. 

"Would you like to become unstuck with me?" he asked, voice trembling because Christ, he had just been given two hours to come up with a line to sweep his neighbour off his feet, and instead he just embarrassed himself in front of what was more or less his entire apartment. Farewell nice working elevator and beautiful view, hello Kitty Pryde's couch for the next six months. 

"I-" Steve's face deepened in colour yet again. "Are you asking me  _out_ , James Buchanan?" 

James smirked, and turned around. "So if that's a no I'll be on my way," he tried to say, but was cut off by Steve's cry, who leapt out of his seat to stop his neighbour with a resounding "wait!". 

And in a blur of God-knows-what, the room erupted into cheers, beginning with a "BANG" that announced Erik had punched a whole into the wall out of pure joy, the high pitched squeal that Charles most certainly did not emit, and the satisfying "pop!" of a bottle of champagne being opened, Moira very nearly missing giving the resident of room 3D a black eye in the process. 

 

All in a day's work for Erik Lehnsherr. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like that wasn't written as well as it could be, but I was just in such a rush to get it done because it was so exciting! Anyway, the important news!
> 
> **You may be aware that this fic will be ending at 30 chapters! So, because a fic is nothing without its readers, I wanted your help! I'm going to be asking for all your spectacular ideas for dates for these two! The next chapter will find Bucky and Steve on their first date, so it's a competition who can come up with the best idea that will get written! Runner-ups will find themselves featuring in the epilogue, so good luck!**


	28. Ep. 28: Bucky Barnes Goes on a Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all had such wonderful ideas, it was very hard to choose! But in the end, I went with what was mentioned most and added a twist to it because I'm an arsehole. I do hope you enjoy this, I was too lazy to proofread agin sorry!

_"Goooooood morning my lovely citizens! I'm feeling great, and you're listening to Bucky Barnes Daily! Feeling great, say hi to the audience! Wait no, don't do that, the last time a guest said hi to the audience it ended really badly. A moment of silence for our fallen cactus Barnaby... and we're back on with Bucky Barnes on Bucky Barnes Daily! It's the 27th of November and I can just taste Christmas on the tip of my tongue. I mean, yeah I may or may not have put my Christmas tree up the moment the clock struck midnight after Halloween, but that's not the point. The point_ is  _that whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I wish you all a wonderful end of year!_

_If you couldn't tell already, today's a really good day for me, and I'm super excited to get a start on it. I've already got my lists for all my friends' Christmas presents checked and ready for shopping, I've got plans to go out, and I just realised that we've already spoken about December holidays way back months and months ago so uh... I'll just be here in the corner thinking up another topic for today's podcast..."_

Steve laughed, fully remembering that podcast where he had been so wrapped up in Bucky's talking that he'd allowed Sam Wilson to lap him  _once_. 

Absolutely blasphemous. 

_"Ahh, shall we talk about music today, my buddies? I have a friend who recently got into J-Rock and dragged me into it. Clinton I am looking at you, son. Other than that I uh... I've been listening to Ariana Grande's Christmas album on loop for the past four days and I definitely didn't tell you that so let's talk about J-Rock!"_

~*~

Bucky bounced around like an excitable little puppy before Steve's door, heart beating a mile a minute, ready to make its way out of his chest and into Steve's hands. It had been just over a week since Bucky had technically somewhat asked Steve out in front of all of his neighbours, and everything still felt so unreal to him. Their jobs kept them busy, and subsequently kept them from seeing each other, but now, finally, the 27th of November... 

It was a date that was going to go down in history. 

"Stevie? You good to go?" he whisper-yelled through the keyhole, unable to control himself. 

Muffled garbling came from behind the door, followed by a coughing fit and a strained "just brushing my teeth, I'm not ready yet!"

Bucky sighed, rocking back and forth on his heels in anticipation. At this rate the zoo was going to be closed by the time they arrived - there'd be absolutely no point in even leaving the apartment complex! 

(This was completely untrue, and James Barnes was just being an impatient little shit simply because he had had spare time the night before to plan his outfit before going to bed.) 

The stairs creaked, signalling the presence of another person, and Bucky spun on his heel to find none other than Charles Xavier with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, every piece of Team Stucky merchandise known to man dangling off his body in one way or another. It was concerning, the number of different cuts of shirts and sweaters he had on, but Bucky did suppose it was winter. Plus, his mind was more focused on the fact that Charles had donned Team Stucky reindeer antlers on top of his Team Stucky knit beanie. 

Charles emits a small noise that sounds akin to a squeal before enveloping Bucky in one big hug and patting his downstairs neighbour on the back. 

"I'm so excited for you James, this is so exciting!" 

Bucky mumbled an embarrassed thanks, hand rubbing his neck, before Charles skipped away down the stair to check his mailbox, leaving him alone again waiting for Steve to make his appearance. 

Perhaps one could grant Bucky at least a little leeway for being impatient, considering it was half an hour later that Steve finally exited his apartment, colour coordinated in blue, white and red from head to toe. 

Bucky gave a bark of a laugh before poking Steve in the side and saying, "What are you, the American flag? I'm not  _actually_ President Buchanan, you know." 

~*~

"James, please don't pout like that, I'm sorry," Steve begged. 

They had been waiting for forty-five minutes to gain entrance into the zoo now, and Steve couldn't help but feel guilty considering he was the one who had taken so long. He felt it was well worth the effort, considering the reaction he had gotten out of James, but nonetheless, if he had spent even one less minute, they may have been closer to marvelling at the animals by now. 

There had to be a better way around this. 

"Hey James, I was thinking of trying to convince Moira to let me get a cat, what do you think? I mean, don't get me wrong dogs are my life, but in an apartment I feel like I shouldn't really be burdening people with a Golden Retriever..." 

In his mind, Steve closed his eyes, crossed his fingers, and prayed that this subtle prodding would get him what he wanted. 

"That's a great idea, Stevie!" James exclaimed, much to Steve's delight. "Ugh, I haven't even petted a cat since Nat's died and she swore off them. Now she just keeps spiders, and I'm not up for petting ten tarantulas at once, you feel me?" 

Steve being Steve, the awkward little button he was, left the conversation to drown out into silence for a minute before he  ~~inconspicuously~~ put his plan into action. 

"I'm just really thirsty and I want some food I... maybe if we come back a little later the line will be shorter?" Steve tilted his head. "And Im sure we'll be in a much better mood to wait in line without grumbling stomachs."

The wind swirled a bundle of fallen leaves around them and towards the end of the street like as if asking them to leave the line to the zoo. Now, Steve wasn't sure if the leaves were going to take them all the way to the café he had in mind, but he watched as one particularly yellow leaf followed right at James' heel, right until the moment they stopped walking. 

"Hey this is a café," Steve tried to say with his calmest voice, leading James in as quickly as possible without letting him see the sign to the shop. 

"Steve?" Bucky questioned, before he let a soft gasp escape his lips. "Stevie you sly bastard oh my dear  _Lord!_ " 

~*~

"Welcome to the Brooklyn Cat Cafe," a woman smiled pleasantly, and Bucky had to fight the urge to shove her aside and run straight for the cat that was lounging on the countertop behind her. 

_Manners, Barnes. Mama didn't bring you up like that._

In the end, the two sat with cups of coffee cold and forgotten, playing with cats right until closing time where they were promptly kicked out to find the sky beyond dark and the streets bustling with people trying to get home. 

Bucky became particularly attached to an adorable mixed cat by the name of Gina, who despite being labelled as shy sat by Bucky his entire duration in the café. It was nothing like the enthusiastic "pet me! love me! make me yours!" attention that Chloe gave him, but he appreciated both of the cats (in fact, he could have done with more, but now that was just being plain hogging of the cats, and there were other customers who deserved time with the adorable balls of fluff. 

"Justice Kennedy no!" a shopkeeper yelled as a cat flopped out of his arms and right onto a customer's head.

...who happened to go by the name of Steven Grant Rogers, and who immediately fell in love with the eight-year-old cat that was clawing its way onto a stable seating on his head. 

~*~

"You know Stevie," Bucky whispered into the blond man's ear, standing before his apartment door at 10:39pm, significantly later than either had intended it to be, considering they had left the cat café at 7. "I had a great time today, and I hope we can do it again." 

Before he could lose any confidence and before Steve could react, Bucky pecked a speedy kiss on his neighbour's cheek and immediately unlocked his door, clicking it shut behind him, sliding down with the goofiest grin plastered to his face. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This cat café is real!](http://catcafebk.com/)


	29. Ep. 29: Bucky Barnes Introduces Steve Rogers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, my wonderful readers!

_"Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, humans of the non-binary variety - do you like my low-key rhymes? - and of course, those of you among us who are not human at all. Welcome! You're listening to Bucky Barnes Daily with your host, Bucky Barnes! It's the 16th of December and today we've got dedicated listener and hot neighbour with the abs, Steve Rogers on the show! Say hi, Steve!"_

There was a loud thump and a half-screech half-war cry-like sound that erupted from the spot beside Bucky, enough to make listeners all over Brooklyn jump in their seats. 

_"James, what's going on?"_

_"You're on the Bucky Barnes Daily podcast, of course!"_

_"Quit playing stupid, I said what's going on?"_

_"Honestly at this point I'm just offended you didn't recognise my voice? Like we've been friends for months now and I'm starting to feel like I should be offended."_

_"But you're- but you're_ James Buchanan! _That has nothing to do with Bucky Barnes."_

_"Oh Stevie, you didn't think I was actually straight up named after a mediocre president, did you? I'm James Buchanan Barnes, also known as Bucky."_

_"You son of a gun."_

_"So, this one's for the members in the audience who were really desperate to know who Hot Neighbour with the Abs was! And in case you're wondering, those posters that covered our city last month were of us! Thanks Erik, we don't love you. But in other news, today's weather is rather chilly, although nothing we can't handle. We have a high of 48, but it might hit as low as 19 degrees today, so make sure you rug up if you're going outside. If I were you though, I'd call this a day to snuggle in at home if you don't need to be out and about. It's great weather for some soup, so I might even put up a special recipe of my own on my twitter. Remember, I'm @buckybdaily."_

A squeak interrupted Bucky's morning broadcast. 

 _"You_ saw  _me in my Bucky Barnes Daily t-shirt!"_

_"Oh yeah, in August, right? I'm flattered Steve, really."_

_"I hate you so much."_

_"That's not what you were saying last night."_

_"James!"_

_"Sorry, shall we continue? Today's line up is on global warming, and I thought we'd all be able to have a discussion about it. Do you believe in it? What are you trying to do to prevent it? Or are you just opening your arms wide and waiting for hell to engulf us? First caller, you're on the line! Good morning, how are you?"_

~*~

It was a hectic morning. 

For Steve, anyway. That sort of thing tended to happen when one's world was turned upside down. Everything he thought he knew - Steve didn't even know how to process the new information he had been handed. His neighbour was the same person he'd had a crush on for... when did the podcast start again? All this time, he had felt like he was oddly cheating on James with a podcaster he would never meet, but the two were the exact same person! 

Needless to say, Steve certainly had a type when it came to people he wanted to date. 

"Stevie, look I'm sorry, maybe I should've told you earlier, but it was kind of hard, you know?" Bucky prodded at his arm. 

Everything seemed so surreal, he felt like if he opened his mouth he wouldn't even be speaking English. 

"Are you still coming to work with me? Class Daisy misses you."

Technically, Steve could say no. They had planned it as a surprise, and therefore, no one knew he was coming. He could just as well lock himself in his apartment, sulk, and give himself some time to actually understand what was going on. But Steve was a nice guy, you know? And not one of those fedora-toting neckbeards, he did genuinely want to see the kids again, he really did want to write a story with them, and if he was being truly honest with himself, it wouldn't be so hard to accept the fact that James Buchanan and Bucky Barnes were one and the same. 

It was just that all this was...  _weird_ , and Steve couldn't help but feel a little betrayed.

"Yes James, I'm coming," Steve rolled his eyes like as if it were the obvious answer, despite being so caught up about it just seconds ago. 

~*~

"Mr. Steeb!" came the collective cries of Class Daisy as a familiar face walked into their classroom. All activities promptly came to a stop, and the room was silent before the almighty illustrator. For a couple of months now, Steve had been contemplating writing and illustrating his own children's book, and now after having met James, whose profession just so happened to line up perfectly with Steve's needs, he could create a story  _with_ children for children. Not that he was using James just for Class Daisy, of course. 

Sure, Steve adored making adult's ideas come to life with his drawings as he accompanied their writing, but maybe it was his turn to give it a shot. 

"I'll even credit you in the book," Steve told the kids. 

"What's credit?" Alex yelled rather than asked, causing a couple of children sitting around him to flinch.

"It means that if you help Mr. Steeb write the book, then your name will be in it so everyone who reads it knows you helped Mr. Steeb," Jubilee supplied with the largest grin on her face. Her and Ororo just so happened to tune into Bucky Barnes Daily on a very good day, and the two couldn't help but giggle at every moment they could.

The children were exhausted after a full day of all play and no rest with Mr. Steeb, Mr. Bickie, Miss Lee and Miss Owowowowowo, the day starting with helping Mr. Steeb with his story, to playing tiggy, to playing stuck in the mud, to painting bad-butt princesses that rode dinosaurs, to building towers, to helping Mr. Steeb even more, to singing songs, to dancing to Mr. Bickie's guitar, to... anyway, they did a lot of things. 

At pick up time, the children filtered out the door with their parents, pleasantly tired and satisfied with their fun-filled day. 

There was, however, a jealous being from Class Azalea with the largest pout known to man etched onto her face, standing right outside the door to Class Daisy's room. It was a Friday, so her mother usually picked her up half an hour later than usual, but that had never been a problem for the girl before, so Bucky quickly made his way to her side.

"Sayward, darling, is everything alright?" he tried to say, worry crossing his features. He was, however, cut off by a small Alex Summers who had wriggled his hand free from his mother's grasp and over to the girl. 

"Are you crying?"

Bucky very nearly missed giving himself a facepalm. 

"No," Sayward sniffed, turning her nose up. "It's raining." 

The Summers boy gave a very valiant effort in arguing that they were inside, crossing his arms as he finished his argument, convinced that there was no way Sayward could knock down his perfect explanation that roofs stopped rain from falling on you, and therefore the water on her face couldn't be rain. 

"Well my eyes are outside! I don't know! Leave me alone!" Sayward yelled, running for the bathroom on her little legs before Bucky could catch her. 

He contained a sigh for Mrs. Summers' sake, but the look on her face told him she would have understood if he had just let the puff of air out. After all, it wasn't news to her if her son did something problematic again. And again. Aaaaand again. 

It took time to coax the unicorn-protecting sea goddess of Class Azalea out of the bathrooms, but Bucky's efforts didn't go to waste. He led Sayward to Class Daisy's room where Steve was studying the children book selection for inspiration on his own story, and sat down beside the man, lifting Sayward onto his knee to wait for her mother together. 

All traces of tears and green envy were wiped clear off her face in a matter of minutes, and by the time her mother came for her, Sayward was just about the happiest girl in the world. 

"Bye Mr. Buggy, bye-bye Mr. Steeb!" she waved, the last child to leave the centre. 

"You know," Steve said, moments later as they made to leave the place themselves. "I won't argue that the children are adorable and your job is fun, but I could do with a 2-year nap after that." 

And oh, did Bucky know  _exactly_ what Steve was talking about. 

 

 

(They may or may not have returned to Bucky's apartment and had their 2-year nap together in Bucky's bed. But remember: they  _may or may not have_ , so maybe they didn't.)

 

~~(They did.)~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I'd love to take credit for the whole "my eyes are outside" thing, that's from one of Jimmy Fallon's segments. Thanks for reading this un-proofread trash!


	30. Ep. 30: Bucky Barnes' Love-Deficient Life Comes to a Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternatively: Bucky Barnes' Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, we've made it to the very end! I can't thank all of you enough for sticking around! While I've tried to make this the best chapter possible, I still haven't proof-read it, but I promise this time I have a proper excuse!
> 
> I've just had all four of my wisdom teeth removed and while being swollen, in pain and on drugs, I can only hope that this chapter is a nice way to finish the fic off. I could've waited until I was fully recovered but... I just couldn't wait to get back to Bucky! So, here we are!

Bucky awoke to a splendid morning, clouds high and skies blue, and none other than Steve Rogers fast asleep by his side. He couldn't help the smile on his face, especially not when he had just woken from the most splendid dream he could even begin to think of. They'd been on enough dates that Bucky now needed to count using his fingers  _and_ his toes, and his dream had been a collection of the best moments of them all. From bowling, where Steve accidentally scored a strike in the lane beside theirs, to the unforgettable picnic where they kept being pushed out of the park by people performing tai chi, to hiking to the top of a mountain where a wasp fell in love with Bucky and decided to take the trip all the way up the mountain with them, to stargazing out in the country. 

Not to mention convincing Moira to allow them to adopt a pet cat. 

He artfully slithered his way out of Steve's grasp (although almost face-planting in the process he didn't wake Steve up) and set his microphone up for a morning episode of Bucky Barnes Daily.

_"Morning all, and welcome to Bucky Barnes Daily! Wow guys, can you believe we've already made it to February of 2018? How wacky is that? I can just feel spring around the corner! Just kidding, it's still cold as balls. Steve's still fast asleep with the cat, but it's a big day today for us. I'm feeling a little nervous here, but I think I'll be alright. I mean otherwise, I wouldn't be broadcasting live the fact that I'm about to propose to my boyfriend tonight..._

_Oh my God guys, I just said that! I just told you guys that I'm- okay Bucky, don't panic... Well anyway, the plan is, I've reserved a booking at a restaurant tonight, and I'm going for the classic get down on one knee while he's not looking and surprise him. Is what I'm aiming for, but we'll hope it goes down well! Maybe I'll take some calls and you guys can suggest some stuff? Tell me if you think my proposal plans are terrible._

_First caller, you're on the line, would you like to make your opinion known? Is this a suicide mission for one Bucky Barnes?  Or am I going to make it out of this day an engaged man?"_

~*~

It was a lazy morning for Steve and Bucky that February 1st. Jubilee and Ororo, his interns, had long since become permanent staff in Fury's childcare, and so, with the help of a new batch of interns, the three were now in rotation of looking after Class Daisy, meaning that he had a day off work.

Bucky was feeling antsy, as one would when they were planning to propose later that night, but he kept his nerves down watching an old replay of a baseball match, although he couldn't keep his left leg from bouncing up and down. Steve could be found sitting beside him stuffing his face with popcorn for no good reason but the fact that "look Buck, it's going to expire soon if we don't have it some time", never mind that 'some time' stood for January of 2019. 

He had forgone his morning run, and now seemed to be in a couch potato mood, no sooner than later snatching the remote control from Bucky's grasp and putting a disc in to watch a movie he had hired out the night before. 

Why Steve had decided to hire out something as gut-wrenching and heart-breaking as  _Rogue One_ was beyond Bucky, but he couldn't complain as he settled down, nerves finally simmering to an ignorable jitter, reaching over to steal himself a handful of popcorn.

"I am one with the force and the force is with me," he choked with Baze, face nestled heavily in Steve's chest as he let the tears stream down his face. Bucky could feel small wet droplets on his scalp, and knew that Steve was crying with him too. 

Served him right for choosing the movie, though. 

Once the movie had ended, all tears had dried and not a trace of popcorn was left in the house, Bucky and Steve found themselves lying side by side on the floor of their living room. 

"Hey," Steve prodded at Bucky's arm. "Knock knock."

Bucky sighed heavily, but gave the man a fond smile. "Who's there?"

"Marry."

His eyebrows knit together in the middle. What kind of a joke was this? "Marry who?"

"Marry me?" Steve whispered, brandishing a ring before Bucky's face.

Bucky shot up from his spot on the ground immediately. He let curse words stream freely from his mouth as he hopped from foot to foot fuming, an accusing glare aimed right at Steve. 

"Son of a bitch!" he yelled. "What am I supposed to do with the- you piece of shit I literally have the ring in my pocket  _right flippin' here_ and the dinner booking for tonight I hate you so much."

He couldn't comprehend what was happening - after all the planning he had gone through; he spent three months looking for the perfect ring! He'd even consulted his podcast-listeners to see if his proposal was good enough and now everything was positively ruined! 

"So if that's a no I'll be on my way," Steve smirked, picking himself off the ground.

Bucky's eyes widened, coming to his senses, and he latched onto Steve's arm with a "wait!"

Steve turned slowly, shit-eating grin and all, and Bucky finally smiled back. 

"I feel a little like this is déjà vu," he said against Steve's lips. 

"Not quite," Steve murmured back. "You're still yet to say yes." 

Bucky pulled himself from Steve's grasp with a soft "oh shit!" and cleared his throat. 

 

"Yes, Stevie. I'd love to marry you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not _quite_ satisfied but writing this has left me with a headache so I hope you're at least appeased. Thank you so much for coming on this journey with me! 
> 
> If you're also reading my newly started fic [Artificial Love](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8860426/chapters/20318047), I'd like it if you could wait for me to recover a little more before I start writing that again. 
> 
> All my love!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thanks for visiting this fic! If you wanna chat, I'm [wintersolqiers](http://wintersolqiers.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


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